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"I know, me too. It's fucked up. I'm glad you're coming to visit though. It won't be soon enough. Everyone is doing good?"
"Nothing's changed. Kids are growing up fast. You heard Faith, she's driving now. Scares the fuck out of me. Not her driving, she's a good driver, but just her being out there on the roads on her own. She's still my little girl, ya know?" Xander sounded sad.
"I know. She always will be to all of us. She's turning into an amazing young woman. I wish I was there. I'm missing so much. Is the team back to work?"
"Yeah, about a week ago we started back up. We were letting too much sit. We needed to get out there. I've thought a lot about coming there with you, but I just can't uproot Faith right now."
"I know, Xan. I don't expect that. We'll make this work. Having you come to visit will help." D sighed, memories of sitting around with Xander, laughing about things filled his mind.
"So who's the new guy you're dating? I did hear Faith right, didn't I? She said dating?" Xander's voice had a teasing tone.
D smiled. "You heard right. Jeremy's my computer guy. You'll meet him when you come visit. He sorta had to start over the same way I had to. He's good, Xan. I really like him."
"Good. You need someone, Dys. I know you don't think you do, but being alone isn't good for you. If he can deal with your shit, he has to be a good guy."
"He is. He keeps up with me, if you know what I mean." D laughed.
"Yeah, that's good. No more clubs then?"
"Haven't since I got here. There's no desire. I'm happy, Xan. I mean, I miss the fuck out of you guys and wish I was there, but things are good here. It's been work getting a team together, and we have a long way to go, but we'll get there. I don't know how I'll deal with the winter, but I guess we'll find out. I'm going to freeze my nuts off here, I think."
"Nah, your nuts are tough. You'll get through it." Xander sighed. "Fuck, it's good talking to you. Bryon says it's safe to keep in touch, but just be careful, so I'm going to be calling you more. I hope your boyfriend isn't jealous."
D grinned. "He'll be good. I haven't talked much about you guys because I was worried, but if Bryon thinks it's safe, I'll let him know more about you, especially if you guys are coming to visit in a few months. I think you'll like him."
Xander laughed. "I never thought I'd hear this. You're actually talking long-term relationship. You really think you'll still be with him in a few months when I get there. This must be some guy."
D laughed. "He is. I'm tired, Xan. I couldn't do it anymore. The meaningless shit was getting old. Jeremy is tough. I think he can handle me."
"Have you told him?" Xander asked.
D closed his eyes. "I don't know how."
"It's a big part of who you are, Dys. It's why you are the way you are. You should tell him sooner rather than later if you want this to work. He deserves to know why you're—"
"So fucked up?" D laid back on the bed.
"I was going to say so sexual, but yeah, fucked up works too. If Matt could deal with my past, the right man will be able to deal with yours. If he can put up with your needs, then he can handle the reason behind them. It was different when I was around and you could vent to me when shit got hard, but you need someone there who you can trust. Someone who you don't have to hide from."
D wasn't sure about that. He was good at hiding. He'd been doing it most of his life. He was scared to tell Jeremy everything. It was easy to assume it wouldn't change things, but how could it not? It was so horrific that he doubted anyone would want to deal with his baggage if they knew about it. There were times he'd even regretted telling Xander. Times that he swore he saw pity in Xander's eyes. "We'll see."
"Do it, Dys. It will be good for you. It's time you faced the past and stopped running from it. It's not who you are. You're stronger than it is." Xander's voice was firm and he could imagine his stern face as he heard him speak.
"Fuck, Xan. I miss being home."
"We miss you here too, but you are home now. You're safe there, and that's what fucking matters. I'd rather have you there than sitting in prison where I couldn't talk to you at all. This isn't perfect, and this isn't the life we planned, but it's the best we've got to work with right now." Xander sighed. "Don't let this phone call get you down. It wasn't meant to do that."
"I know. It's just hard. I miss so much. It's so hard here without everyone."
"You're not alone. From what I've heard, you've got a good team started. Let them in. Make them your new family. We're just the family in another state. There is no reason you can't have both. We haven't forgotten you, and you know we never will."
"Yeah." D stared up at the ceiling. "You're right. Anyway, I need to go. Keep me posted on what's new and hug Faith for me. Tell her I love her and I'll talk to her soon. Make sure she's got my number so she can call and text when she wants. Hearing from her will help."
"More than hearing from me?" Xander teased.
"Fuck off. You know better than that." D grinned, but it didn't last. He hated saying goodbye again. Even if it was just a phone call, it just reminded him how far apart they were now. One fucked up night had split them up forever. "I miss you most, fuckface."
Xander laughed. "Yeah, me too, asshole. I'll keep in touch. I'll send you a video of me shitting myself every time I'm in the passenger seat and Faith is driving."
