Page 50 of Hack
"You mean sometime when we didn't have life pulling us in different directions?" Carter tilted his head back as Archer kissed his throat.
"Yes." Archer was hard and so was Carter as he pressed against his thigh. "Before life had us both calloused and tired."
Carter caught his mouth against his own for a long kiss, their lips parting, tongues exploring until they were forced to break apart so they could breathe. "There's no going back, is there? We can't go back to what we were before all this…" Carter waved his hand. "Before we saw the darkness?"
Archer got the feeling that Carter had seen a lot more darkness than he had, but that made sense. He'd been the one to lose his family. Archer had only seen others suffer. He'd never suffered himself. Still, life had made him who he was, withdrawn and solitary. "I don't think so, but that doesn't mean we can't help each other find our way in that darkness."
Carter nodded. "Take me back to the room." He reached down, cupping Archer's hardness before he pulled away. "We can forget everything tonight, right?"
Probably not, but he nodded anyway. "Tonight and tomorrow. We don't have to face the world again until Monday morning." Archer unlocked the car, adjusting his pants before he was able to slide into the driver's seat. "Tonight and tomorrow, none of the darkness exists. It's just us, getting lost in a world of our own creating."
"Fuck, if only. No pain, no sadness, no darkness." Carter leaned his head against the window. "The problem with darkness is you can't unsee it by closing your eyes. It's always still there."
Archer started the car and pulled onto the road, not sure how to respond.
"I'm tired, Arch. So damn tired. I've done this for so long. I don't know if I can keep doing it." Carter didn't look at him as he spoke.
Archer figured he was talking about his work, whatever it was, because he wasn't sure what else he could be talking about. Maybe hunting his daughter's killer, but this seemed somewhat deeper, more recent, more haunting if that was at all possible. There wasn't much worse than having your daughter raped and killed, was there?
"You know when you think you are making a difference, but then what you are fighting just keeps happening over and over again? It's like a vicious circle that never ends. It's like a cancer. You stop one tumor just to have another appear." Carter closed his eyes, his head back against the seat. "It will never end."
"Maybe not, but does that mean we quit trying? Does that mean the doctor quits treating the cancer? No, he looks for other ways to beat it, new ways to overcome the disease." He had no clue exactly what the disease was that haunted Carter, but it was how he looked at life and the horrible things in it. You couldn't let it just go. You fought to overcome, to find that light in the darkness.
"I'm not sure the cure is out there." Carter sighed.
Archer didn't answer. How could he, not knowing what they were talking about? He could generalize it to the evil in the world, which in that case, Carter was right, there wasn't a cure. He stayed silent until they were back at the motel. Getting out of the car silently, he went around and took Carter's hand as he shut his door. Once he locked the car, he led Carter inside. Whatever he was thinking about wasn't doing him any good. He needed to distract him, and one way or another, he was going to give Carter a way to forget everything but the two of them.
