Page 51 of Hack
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Carter hated where his mood was, but he was glad that Archer didn't seem put off by it. He'd been overthinking everything, and with everything going on, he was starting to wonder if it was all worth it. He'd started STK with Bryon to take down the pedophiles, and maybe, if he got lucky, find Angel's killer.
Over the years, the team had taken down hundreds of pedophiles, sex traffickers, and other violent men and women who hurt children. He couldn't deny that they'd saved a lot of kids from pain and possible death. Hell, just look at Matt and Xander's daughter, Faith. She was proof of the good work they did. Still, no matter how many they took down, more kept showing up. As the dark web grew and people had more online resources, the pedophile rings exploded, and there was no sign of them slowing down. For every one they took down, five more seemed to show up. They'd need teams in every fucking city across the world to even make a dent with the way things were going, and that was an unrealistic dream.
"Hey, where's your head at?" Archer flipped on the room light as they walked in.
"Sorry." He shook his head to try and clear it. "Was just thinking too much."
"Want to talk about it?" Archer asked as he tossed his keys on the table.
Carter took a minute to answer, thinking over the implications of telling Archer everything. He'd been the one to make the rules that no one was told about STK unless the whole team agreed. It was to be put to a vote, and if anyone wasn't comfortable with someone knowing, they wouldn't be told. But as he kicked off his shoes and sat down on the bed, he wanted to tell Archer everything. For once, he wanted someone outside the STK team to know what he did. He wanted Archer to be able to understand him.
It wasn't a matter of trust. He trusted Archer without a second thought. He wasn't sure when that had happened, but it was the truth. He was sure that if he told Archer everything, he'd never repeat it to another person. He'd go to the grave with the secret. "Yeah, I do want to talk about it, but you need to be sure you want to hear what I have to say. I told you already how secret my team is, and once you know, well, there's a lot at stake, so if you can't handle keeping my secret, then tell me now."
Archer pulled a pair of sweatpants from his bag. "You can tell me anything and I'd never tell another soul. I'm willing to listen if you need to talk." He nodded to Carter's bag. "Change, get undressed. I have a feeling it's going to be a long talk, and we both might as well be comfortable for it." He turned and headed into the bathroom before Carter could respond.
Following his advice, Carter quickly undressed and pulled on his gym shorts. He didn't bother with a shirt. The room was warm enough. He heard Archer brushing his teeth, and he went in to stand beside him and do the same.
Archer smiled around his toothbrush at him in the mirror.
Carter laughed. It was such a normal thing, but then again, such a personal thing. You didn't really brush your teeth with someone you weren't close to, but being here with Archer, doing things like brushing their teeth was comfortable. There wasn't that odd nervous discomfort he'd had with other people. He stuck his own toothbrush in his mouth, hip bumped Archer to give him some room in front of the sink, and went to work on his own teeth.
They never lost eye contact in the mirror as they brushed and even spit. Archer finished before he did, rinsed his mouth, then moved a step back and to the side, pressing his chest to Carter's back. He placed a single kiss at the base of his neck, then rested his chin on Carter's shoulder, simply watching him.
"It shouldn't be this easy." Carter set the cup down after rinsing his mouth.
"What shouldn't?" Archer stared at him in the mirror.
Carter turned in his arms, placing his hands on Archer's bare chest. "Everything. Everything is easy with you."
"That's not a bad thing."
"No, but it's strange, rare. When was the last time that you were this comfortable with anyone?" Carter curled his fingers through the thick hair on Archer's chest.
"Probably never," Archer admitted.
"Exactly." Carter pressed his forehead to Archer's chest. "I've never told anyone what I'm about to tell you. In fact, I've thought others crazy when they wanted to share it with people they were close to. It's not something you just let people know. There's too much at risk, too many things to go wrong, yet, somehow, telling you feels right. It's like I need to share that side of myself with you."
Archer held Carter to him, talking against his hair. "I feel the same way with you. I've hated people, well, at least being around them. It's why I do the job I do. I can do it alone. I don't have to deal with all the stupidity and stress of others, but with us, there isn't that issue. It's like I know you'll understand me, even without words. You'll know when I need space, know when I need silence, know when I need a hug or a distraction. Working with you, it's as if we could step into good cop, bad cop as easily as if we did it every day. I have no problem trusting you, following your lead, and when it's time for me to take the lead, I have no doubts that you'll follow me. We just work that well together." He cupped the sides of Carter's head and lifted it from his chest so Carter had to look up at him. "You know what doesn't make sense?"
"What?" Carter didn't break eye contact as Archer caressed his thumbs down his cheeks.
"You told me your end game for Lyle. I know you're going to kill him. You're going to commit murder, and I'm okay with that. What could you possibly have to tell me that could be worse or more dangerous to you for me to know?"
Carter took a deep breath. Was he really going to do this?
He stepped aside, breaking the contact between them. "Not in the bathroom." He made his way back to the main room. He sat down on the bed nearest the door, bracing his back against the headboard. When Archer joined him, he reached for his hand, running his thumb over his palm as he tried to find the words to say what he wanted to. "Shortly after Angel and Beth died, I met a guy. He'd just lost his sister in almost the same way I lost Angel. We were both angry and feeling helpless. Together, we decided to try and put an end to the abuse. Well, not an end. That will never happen, but at least do our part to help bring pedophiles to justice." He paused for several minutes, but when Archer didn't speak or press him to continue, he went on. "We created a team that searches the dark web for pedophiles' locations. Once we find them and have solid proof of what they are doing, we go in, castrate them, or in the case of women, we burn their vaginal areas, then we leave the evidence and call the cops to come to get them." He glanced up unsure what he'd see on Archer's face.
It wasn't disgust or shock. He just nodded at him. "I can see how you'd feel the need to do something like that. And that's what you're still doing?"
Carter nodded. "There are several parts to the team. My part is hacking into the dark web, locating the evidence, the locations, the identities. There are three of us who do this. Once we are sure of all that, then we will let others go in and do the physical part. They disable the people involved, castrate them, leave the evidence, leave, call the police, then return to base. We now have three who do that part, since one recently had to move." He wasn't about to put the team in Colorado in danger. That wasn't his place to do. "We also have a doctor who works with us in case we get injured, and sadly, it does happen from time to time. We also have a therapist we all talk to. Her husband used to work with us, but died of a heart attack shortly after the team started. We also have a source in the court system to keep us up to date on cases we might not know about or the conviction of those we went after." He hated how simplistic he was making this, how nonchalant it all sounded, but he didn't know a better way. It wasn't like he wanted to go into graphic detail on every step.
"So all those nights you're at work, you're digging through the dark web, looking at kids being abused? Searching for evidence so you can save them?" Archer asked.
Carter gave a single nod.
"That's insanity. How can you possibly do that? See that every night and still go home and sleep at night?" Archer tightened his grip on Carter's hand. "I get why you do it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not upset or disgusted by what you do, but how? How do you deal with that? You've done this for years?"
