Page 52 of Hack
Carter nodded again.
"Jesus." Archer shook his head. "No wonder you're tired and talking about darkness." He released Carter's hand and ran his own through his hair. "Every night?"
"Searching, yes. Going out and actually going after the pedophiles, that happens two to three nights a week. Sometimes less, sometimes more. It just depends on the situation." He folded his arms over his chest. "As to how I sleep, I don't often. I take cat naps at the base house and work around the clock most of the time. When you caught me at home, that was the first time I'd been back there in a while. It's kinda like I have to keep searching, keep working, because if I stop and have a chance to actually think of all the things I've seen, I'm afraid I'll lose my mind."
"Yeah, I could see how that might happen. No wonder you've been on edge since we've been here. On top of going after Lyle, you're dealing with this shit too. Listen, I have no issue with what your team does. I'm actually a bit impressed. I'm glad there is someone out there doing something, because we both know the law isn't doing shit. These monsters are getting their hands slapped, serving a few months in jail, then getting out to offend again. If what you do stops them, then good. I can't say my cock is comfortable with what you do, and I'm pretty damned sure that I couldn't do that, but it's justified."
Carter glanced up with a smile, needing to soften the mood a bit. "Does that mean we won't be having sex tonight?"
Archer covered his crotch with his hands. "I'm not sure I'll be able to get it up for weeks thinking about that shit."
"It takes some getting used to. I'm glad I'm behind the computer, but everyone on the team has trained to do the dirty work if we have to." Carter got up and went across the room, grabbing two water bottles off the dresser. He came back and handed one to Archer.
"Trained? How do you train for that? It's not as if you have volunteers letting you practice."
"Our doctor created a dummy that we can practice on. It's actually pretty amazing how it all works. I'll spare you the details, but before we send anyone out, they are well prepared for what they do." Carter got back on the bed, moving back to where he'd been against the headboard.
"The men and women you do this to, they live through it?" Archer asked.
"Yeah, we haven't had one die yet. We castrate, then insert a catheter tube into the urethra to keep it from clogging, then cauterize the area to stop the bleeding. We drug them before we do it, but not to stop the pain. The drugs only work on the muscles. They can't move, talk, scream, or fight once we've injected them. The medication wears off in about an hour. They feel everything, suffering just like the kids they hurt did." He realized how violent he sounded, but there was no way to sugarcoat any of this. "The team has time to leave the evidence and get away from the scene before the police arrive."
"And what happens to the children?"
"The police get them. We don't do anything as far as the kids are concerned. If we know they are in a certain area of the house, we mark it for the police to make sure they know where they are, but we never interact with the kids. We aren't trained for that, and honestly, the team deals with enough. They don't need that on top of the rest of the shit." He twisted the cap of his water bottle nervously. "The kids are usually returned home, or if there isn't family, they are placed in foster care, but all of them get treatment. I wish there was more we could do for the kids, but it would be too risky for us with all the other stuff we do. The team donates to charities, and does what it can without outing ourselves."
Archer nodded, but said nothing for a long moment, then he looked up at Carter, meeting his gaze. "That's pretty fucking amazing. Seriously brave. I can't say I could do it, but fuck, if you can, then I support you one-hundred percent." He reached for Carter's hand, bringing it to his lips. He kissed his palm, then reached out and brushed back the side of Carter's hair. "I understand what you mean by darkness now."
Carter nodded. "You can't unsee…" He didn't need to say it.
"No, you can't, and my guess is you keep seeing it even long after."
Carter stared at his legs. He saw it every time he closed his eyes. Imagined it was his daughter suffering the torture each and every time.
"Come here." Archer moved down in the bed, lying on his side. "Let me hold you."
It was exactly what Carter needed and he wasn't surprised that Archer knew that. He set his water on the nightstand between the beds and moved to Archer, easing his back against his chest as Archer wrapped his arms around him. He closed his eyes, taking comfort in being held. It was something that didn't happen often and he missed it. Needed it.
They lay in silence for a long time, and he was almost asleep when Archer said so softly that he almost didn't hear it, "I didn't think I could care about you more, but I do."
