Page 91 of Hack
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Carter took a deep breath and smiled. "Smells like home." It was good to be back in California. In a way, it was like he was leaving all the shit from the last month behind and moving on, which a few weeks ago, he hadn't been sure he could do.
"Pollution and jet fuel?" Archer smiled as they walked down the airport corridor toward the rental car area.
"Is that what it is?" Carter laughed. "It's just good to be home."
"It's good to hear you laughing." Archer smiled. "It's been a long time since I've heard that."
"Yeah, sorry about that. I know I haven't been the best company."
"You're always my favorite company, even in the worst of times." Archer gave their joined hands a squeeze. "Does the team know your back?"
"No, I didn't tell anyone. Did you?"
"Nope, wasn't my place. I talked to Faith two days ago, gave her the usual update and that was it."
"Once we get home, I'll call Bryon. I need to set up a team meeting. I want everyone there when I say what I have to say." Carter was nervous about facing them all again after everything that happened. They wouldn't judge him, but it was still going to be awkward, and if a single one of them gave him a look of pity, he was going to punch them right in the face. Yeah, he'd had things to work through, but he didn't need them feeling sorry for him.
Archer raised a brow. "You going to fill me in before?"
"Nope, you can all hear it all at once. This is a speech I only want to make one time. Once I say what I have to say, the matter is closed as far as they are concerned. You and I might talk about it more, but not them. We move on after and put this all behind us." Carter paused as Archer stepped up to get the car.
Once they were on the road, Archer glanced over at him. "So, I know things have been a little tense the last while, but I'm trying to figure out where I go from here. Like should I be looking to buy a car because I'm going to be hanging around, or should I stick with the rental because I won't be here long."
Carter smiled. "You won't need to buy a car."
Archer frowned, but couldn't take his eyes off traffic to look over at him.
"Just wait until we aren't on the road. I have a lot to discuss with you and with the team. If you can wait fifteen minutes until we get home, you and I can start some of our conversations, but the other half of it has to wait until the team meeting, fair enough?" Carter reached over and placed his hand on Archer's leg. "Don't worry. I don't want you going anywhere. I'm just saying you won't need a car, okay?"
He wasn't surprised by the question or the rare showing of insecurity from Archer. It had been a long time since they'd really talked about them or even acted like a couple. Other than holding hands and sharing a bed where they would cuddle, they hadn't really even kissed in nearly a month.
Carter took full responsibility for the lack of affection and communication. At first, he'd just needed space, but now, it was more he just wanted to get home and settled, then start thinking about the future. He owed Archer for his patience. He wouldn't have blamed him for walking away, but he was glad he didn't.
"I miss us," Archer said softly.
"I know, me too. I promised I'd come home to you, then I ran. I'm sorry about that. It was never because of us, though. I wasn't running from us, at least not in the way you think. I'm going to be making some changes in my life now, and I want you to be part of those changes, but this is a conversation that I want to be looking you in the eyes for, not something we try to discuss while fighting traffic on the freeway." He'd had this conversation a million times in his head, but now that it was about to honestly happen, he was nervous as hell.
Archer blew out what sounded like a relieved breath.
"You really think I could walk away from you?" Carter asked.
"You've been through a lot. For a while there, I thought you'd walk away from everyone. I wouldn't have blamed you. You've been through hell, but honestly, the thought of losing you…" Archer shook his head. "You're right. This needs to wait until we're home."
Carter wanted to tell him he loved him. That would hopefully erase all doubt in Archer's mind about him wanting them to be together, but he wasn't about to say those words for the first time while Archer was doing nearly eighty down the freeway in rush hour traffic. He wanted to live to enjoy the love he felt. "We'll be there soon. I'll order us Chinese or something and we can talk while we wait for it to be delivered."
Archer gave him a nod.
They stayed silent the rest of the drive, and even though with traffic it took longer to get home, Carter loved it. Coming home was the best thing he could have done for his well-being. There were too many memories in Virginia. He'd go back, visit the cemetery when he was there, but California was home now. The fact that Archer had a home in Virginia made things easy. They could split their time at both places if they wanted.
As Archer parked the car in the driveway, Carter looked at his house and the small yard. It was like he'd been away a year, not just a month. So much had gone on. He wasn't the same person now that he had been when he'd last walked out that door. Everything had changed for him. It was a good change, at least he thought so, but only time would tell. One thing was for sure, he felt better, his soul lighter despite the darkness of what he'd done still hanging over him.
"I'd like you to stay in my room full-time, if you want to." Carter glanced at Archer as they walked into the house. They didn't have much with them, just one bag each.
"I'd like that too." Archer smiled.
They walked into the bedroom together, and once they'd dropped their bags on the floor, Carter reached out to Archer. "Come here." He pulled him close, wrapping his arms around his waist. "I know I've been distant the last few weeks, and I haven't been what you need me to be, but my feelings for you haven't changed. If anything, they've grown stronger." He reached up and traced a finger down Archer's jaw. "I love you, and if you'll have me, I'd like to see if we can make this work together."
