Page 36 of Caged
"So, again, I'm sorry I woke you. I've had nightmares before, but they weren't this vivid, and in this one, Larry was laughing because I'd gotten aroused. He said that proved I liked what he was doing to me. I guess that's why I screamed in my sleep."
"How do you want me to handle them if they happen in the future. Should I wake you like I did tonight?"
Danny liked that Marshall wasn't asking him more about the dream. He didn't want to talk about it. "Yeah, please. I don't like being there with him, even if it's only in my head." He set the mug down. "It helped having you there tonight when I woke up. It didn't take me as long as usual to realize that Larry wasn't really there."
"I'm glad I can help that way."
"Me too." Danny smiled, then thought about the rest of what happened and sighed. "It's the first time I've gotten aroused in a long time. I mean, I couldn't wearing the cock cage, but even before that, it didn't happen very often. When it did, I'd do whatever I could to hide it. When I was about twelve or thirteen, I tried to make myself come, hoping it would stop it from happening so often, but I couldn't finish. All I saw was how Larry would make me do that for him and it made it so I didn't even want to do it to myself."
"You know it's a problem that probably isn't going to go away. You're going to have to get used to it somehow. Find a way to satisfy yourself."
"It's just that everything reminds me of him." Danny didn't want to cry, but he felt so broken.
"Then make new memories to replace his."
"Right, men are going to be knocking down the door to ask me out." Danny rolled his eyes at the thought. No one would want him and his problems.
"Men? So you know you like men?" Marshall asked.
"I've never really thought about women. Maybe it's because all I've known is…" He didn't want to call Larry a man. "I don't know. Maybe I don't have enough experience to know what I would like. It's not like I'm ever going to find out. I can't trust anyone. If anyone tried to touch me, I'd probably freak out."
"But you don't." Marshall smiled. "I touch you all the time and you never shy away. From the moment we met, you've never shunned my touch." He reached out and drew his fingers down Danny's cheek. "See, you don't back away. I hold your hand all of the time and you are okay with it. I grip your shoulders, and once or twice I've even hugged you."
"But it's you." Danny couldn't explain. Hell, he hardly understood it himself.
"And someday, you'll trust someone else too." Marshall reached for Danny's hand. "It will take time. You've faced a lot. Don't try and catch up all at once, but be sure you don't give up either. You are young enough that you can have a normal life, have strong relationships, raise a family."
Danny stared at their joined hands, wondering if it was possible. Could he be normal again? Trust someone enough to be close to him, maybe even share his body with them. The thought caused a shiver to run down him.
"What was that from? What were you thinking about?" Marshall caressed his thumb over Danny's hand.
"Having sex with someone in the future."
"It scares you?"
"Petrifies me. I don't think I can."
"You know, there are a million different ways to have sex? It doesn't have to be like it was with Larry."
Danny looked away, unable to meet Marshall's gaze. "It doesn't matter. No one will want me."
"That isn't true. Again, you have to give yourself time. You'll meet people, learn to trust them. Hopefully, slowly put the past behind you. Hell, it's only been a couple of weeks since you escaped. Things aren't going to happen overnight. You have to be positive and look to the future as a place filled with opportunity."
Danny nodded, but he still wasn't comfortable with the way his body was changing now that he was free. He didn't want to get hard. Didn't want to think about sex. Yet somewhere deep down, he longed to be with someone he could trust, someone who would understand him and what he'd been through. Someone like Marshall who didn't judge him. "Can we watch a movie?"
"Sure. Do you want to pick something and I'll go make us some more hot chocolate?"
He nodded, reaching for the remote so he could scan what movies were streaming. He picked one about superheroes, then settled back on the couch.
"Here we go." Marshall set the mugs down a few minutes later, then dimmed the lights before sitting down beside him. "You okay?" He rested his hand on Danny's thigh.
"Yeah, thanks." Danny covered Marshall's hand with his own and was surprised when Marshall linked their fingers. The support was nice, and he liked the closeness. He forced thoughts of the dream out of his mind, forgot to worry about the future, and refused to think about his body's betrayal. For now, he was going to just enjoy the movie and being with someone he could trust not to hurt him.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"We're clear to go ahead," Marshall called as he double-checked all the cameras around the home the team was about to enter.
The area was isolated, which helped, but they could never be too careful. Jessica and Patrick were both good at what they did, but that didn't mean there couldn't be problems. Marshall was glad he was behind the computer. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to break into the house and take down the perverts the way they did. He just wasn't that brave. Thank God others were.
