Page 84 of Caged
"I don't think so other than maybe to make sure what I do isn't affecting my relationships, but he knows you so he should be able to tell if there are issues. You talk about us to him, don't you?"
Danny ducked his head, hoping that it wasn't going to be a problem that he did. "A little."
"Hey…" Marshall gave his hand a squeeze. "I expect you to talk about us to him. I'm part of your life, part of you getting used to things again. I want you to have someone to talk to about us. I know Jessica seems to be your best friend, but I'm sure you can't talk to her about everything."
Danny swallowed hard. The truth was, he'd had some pretty intense conversations with Jessica about Marshall. She was the one who kept suggesting new things to try in the bedroom, many of which he still didn't dare.
Marshall glanced over at him and raised a brow as the sides of his mouth quirked up. "You do talk to Jessica?"
"Some," Danny admitted. "She has some good ideas and suggestions sometimes. I don't know if it's because she's a woman or what, but I'm not as embarrassed to talk about certain things with her."
"Like sex?" Marshall grinned.
Danny shrugged, embarrassed to admit it. "Maybe."
"It's okay. As long as she's not spreading information about our sex life to the whole team, I'm glad you have someone to talk to about things. But now I'm curious. What kind of suggestions?"
Danny coughed.
Marshall laughed. "Okay, you don't have to tell me, but I hope if they are good, you'll let me in on them sometime."
"She says I should try fucking you if you'll let me. She's worried I'm scared of sex, which I am, but she says the best way for me to get over my fear is with action. She told me to…" He shook his head, unable to say the words.
Marshall glanced over at him again, not looking angry at all with the topic. "What did she say?"
"That I should take you so hard that you can't sit in front of the computer the next day." Danny stared out the window, unable to look at Marshall as he said it.
Marshall laughed. "I'd love that."
Danny's head snapped around. "You would?"
"Hell yes! I've dreamed about having you inside me since our first time together. I told you a long time ago it's what I like. If I couldn't sit the next day it would mean we did something right. I'm hard just thinking about it."
"You are not." Danny glanced down, unable to tell with the darkness of the car and the way Marshall was sitting.
Marshall took Danny's hand and placed it between his legs. "I'd love to have you make love to me when you're ready for that. There's no rush for us to do it, but you need to know that if you want that to happen, I'm okay with it. I know your experiences with sex have left you hesitant to do things, but between two people who care about each other, it can be good. I'm fine if we never do it, and I'm also fine if you never want me to do that to you, but if you ever decide it's what you want, my ass is all yours."
Danny tried to imagine doing that with Marshall but all he could remember is the pain at having it done to him. He'd never enjoyed it, even after he got used to the pain. He wasn't dumb enough to think that Marshall would treat him the way Larry had, but he still found it hard to think of it being pleasing. "We'll see. I'm not ready for that yet."
"Okay, and don't let me or Jessica tell you that you should be ready. When you are, you'll let me know. As I've said before, what we do now is more than enough."
He was sure Marshall would never push for more, but was what they did now really enough? He worried that in time it wouldn't be. Why would Marshall want to be with someone broken when he could be with someone who could give him everything? He couldn't think about that tonight. He needed to focus on what the team was doing in Colorado Springs. He glanced at the clock on the dashboard display seeing it was just after eleven. Waiting was going to kill him. He glanced over at Marshall as he pulled the car into the driveway. "You'd tell me if it's ever not enough, right?"
"I would, but I doubt that would ever happen. I'm happier now than I have ever been. I've been in relationships in the past that were based just on sex. They weren't what I wanted. I like what we have. We're connected in a way that is deeper, more emotional. Sex is great and I love what we do, but it's not what makes us work. I'd still love you without it." Marshall shut off the car before leaning over to kiss him. "I love you for who we are, not what we do in bed. Now let's get inside and wait for that call." He kissed him once more before pushing his door open and getting out.
Danny followed, meeting him at the front door.
As soon as they were in, Marshall turned to him. "You're not worried about our sex life, are you?"
Danny shrugged. "Not really, but I do wonder why you'd want me when you could have someone that wasn't scared of everything."
"Because they aren't you. It's the man I fell in love with, not the sex. Sex is what we do, not who we are. I like talking to you, being with you, eating your great meals, watching movies you haven't seen. If I hated all that and only wanted sex, then I'd find someone else, but it's everything else we do together that makes us perfect. Sex is a small percent of what makes us work. I don't want anyone else. I only want you."
Danny hugged Marshall. "Thank you." He led them to the couch. "When I was being held, I used to wonder what it would be like to be with someone who cared about me. I didn't have a lot to base things off other than what I saw when I was little and with my mom, which wasn't a lot, but I'd imagine having someone to play video games with or watch movies. Someone to talk to and laugh with. I wasn't allowed to talk with Larry, and sometimes I just wanted someone to talk to about nothing important. I just wanted to hear someone else's voice."
"You can always talk to me. As for video games, I try, but you're better off with someone like Faith or D."
"Faith kicks my ass. It's no fun."
