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The rest of the evening went smoothly and Trenton was relieved that Faith seemed to back off a bit about trying to get him back into what used to be his normal routine. He owed Ben for lying for him and saying he'd be around. It was just that he couldn't handle everything right now. He wasn't sure where his mind was, but it wasn't a good place. He needed time, and somehow, he needed everyone to give him that time.
"Well, I guess I'll go. I'll call tomorrow and check on you, and I'll bring dinner by again in a few days." Faith had cleaned up and put all the leftovers in the fridge.
"Thanks. Tell everyone thank you for stocking my kitchen and cleaning my apartment this week." Trenton bent and kissed her cheek. "I'm really okay. Make sure they know that. I don't need them all checking in on me throughout the day."
"They will anyway." She smiled, then glanced at Ben. "It was nice to meet you. Call one of us if…" She shrugged. "If anything changes." She cast a quick glance at Trenton.
"I will," Ben promised.
Trenton let the door click shut, then let out a long breath before turning to Ben. "Thank you for covering for me. I know it was a dick move putting you on the spot like that."
Ben shrugged. "I don't mind, but I also won't lie to anyone, so I will be checking in on you daily to make sure you're okay."
"You don't need to. I'll be okay." Trenton didn't want to bother anyone. Even if he could tolerate Ben around, it wasn't his place to make sure he was okay. He'd be fine in time. He just needed… Well, he wasn't sure what he needed, but he'd figure it out.
"You're telling me you're okay being alone here?" Ben looked at him knowingly. "You're fine here stuck in your own head, playing things through over and over again?"
Trenton sighed.
"I know how it is. I hate being home alone. I close my eyes to sleep and all I hear are children crying or women screaming. I see their faces when they come back down from upstairs or remember the fear in their face the first time they were taken upstairs. But you know what the worst is for me? It's knowing how that fear turned into nothing after a few weeks. How people lost all emotion. It was like they'd shut down their emotions to protect themselves and didn't even react to what was done to them anymore. They lost all their fight and I lie in bed wondering if they will ever find that fight again now that they're free."
The things that haunted Trenton weren't exactly the same, but he understood. He also heard the screams when he was alone, and he also remembered the torture, the pain, and the degrading things he'd been forced to do in the name of someone else's pleasure. He wasn't sure he'd ever recover from some of those things. "So you'll stay for a while tonight? Maybe watch a movie or something?" He really didn't want to be alone.
"As long as I get to pick."
Trenton tossed him the remote for the T.V.. "Deal."
As they settled in for a mindless night of watching movies, he wondered if Ben really did hate being alone or if he was just saying it because he knew Trenton needed someone right now. He really hoped it wasn't out of pity or sympathy because that was something he couldn't handle right now. He felt sorry enough for himself. He didn't need others doing it too.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Ben woke to the sound of a cry. It took him a moment to realize it wasn't in his head but coming from nearby him. He opened his eyes to find himself in a strange room, with the glow of the T.V. illuminating the darkness.
Trenton's, he was at Trenton's. He sat up, forcing the sleep from his mind as he looked around. Trenton lay on the opposite side of the couch, restlessly tossing and turning. It was clear he was dreaming. A sheen of sweat covered his skin, and he seemed to be trying to push something away from him.
Unsure what to do, Ben watched for a moment. Should he wake him? He hated to imagine what he was dreaming. He gave it a few moments more, but when Trenton cried out again, this time sounding as if he was in severe pain, Ben couldn't sit by silently. He moved closer, careful not to get close enough that Trenton could hit him should he wake up confused. "Trenton, it's Ben. Wake up. You're dreaming." He touched Trenton's foot only to have Trenton kick at him. "Trenton, you're dreaming. It's not real." Though he knew from his own nightmares it felt real.
Trenton flayed his arms and cried out again, this time falling halfway off the couch as he did. That woke him up. He sat breathing heavily for a minute, looking stunned and confused.
"It was a dream," Ben said softly. "You were dreaming."
Trenton looked up, his face filled with fear as he stared at Ben.
"We're at your apartment. Not at the mansion. You're safe, Trenton. No one is going to hurt you anymore."
Trenton stared at him for several moments, then tears filled his eyes and he started to cry. Heavy sobs that shook his body. Ben let him be, leaving him to cry, guessing it was the first time he had since being rescued. It broke his heart to see him in so much pain, but he wasn't sure comforting him was the right thing to do. It would remind him that he wasn't alone and he'd throw the mask back on instead of letting everything out.
Once he realized how hard he was crying, Ben got up and went to the bathroom, returning with a box of tissues. He set it on the coffee table, then moved to sit on the floor near Trenton. He gently touched his shoulder, unsure how to help or if he should. He thought of a million things to say, but none of them were right. Telling Trenton it was over and he was safe was a lie. The abuse might be over, but it was all still very real and going on in his mind. He could tell him that he wasn't alone, but the truth was, he was. No one knew what was going on in Trenton's mind and they both experienced and remembered different things. Being here for him physically didn't help when he was fighting demons in his head.
Ben wasn't sure if Trenton calmed or simply ran out of tears. As Trenton sniffed, Ben handed him a tissue from the box. "Here."
"Thanks." Trenton's voice was raw as he took the tissue and wiped at his nose and eyes. "I hate this. I don't cry. I swear I'm not a crier."
"The stuff we saw and you went through is enough to change anyone. You needed to cry. You needed to let out the anger, the hurt, the fear, all of those emotions you'd held so tight the last few weeks. Others broke down in the cage, but you refused to. You held it in, determined to survive it all. Now that you're home and safe, those emotions need to come out."
Trenton reached for another tissue. "You sound like Katie."
"I don't know what Katie would say, but I do know that I spent nearly a day crying and working through my guilt and anger this week. I broke things around my apartment when I got angry, I sat on the floor of my bathroom after vomiting as I remembered every bit of abuse I witnessed and didn't stop. We had different experiences, and yours was much worse than mine. If I broke from it all, then you're bound to as well." He caressed his palm down Trenton's back, noticing how damp his shirt was from sweat. "Can I get you a glass of water?"
