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"Do you agree with that?"
"Maybe a little, I'm not sure if it's about decision making or just trusting yourself to do the right thing. I'm thinking you're doubting yourself a bit. Maybe your subconscious thinks because you got kidnapped, you shouldn't make any big choices because they could lead you to bad things?" He glanced over at him. "I'm not the one to be psychoanalyzing you. That should be Katie's job."
"What else did Bryon say?"
"He said he thinks it all might have to do with your past just as much as it might have to do with the kidnapping."
"Did he tell you everything about my past?" Trenton didn't look over at him.
"No, but he did tell me to get you to tell me or Katie. He said things might make more sense if I knew about it."
Trenton didn't say anything. He just focused on his food and ate silently.
"Not a topic you want to talk about?"
Again more silence.
Ben let it go. He wasn't one to talk about his own past, and something told him after talking to Bryon that Trenton's just might be worse than his own. "Anyway, mostly he just wanted to know how you were healing physically. Said he was worried when you were only answering Faith's calls."
"I'm just not feeling sociable."
"Well, I have to move out of my apartment soon since it was part of my undercover identity. I need to go out and find a new place to live this week. You going to be up to going out with me?"
Trenton looked up. "You can stay here."
Ben smiled. "Which is great for a few nights, but I need more than a couch in your living room."
"Yeah, I guess that's true. Sorry, I didn't think…" His voice trailed off.
"What's worrying you?" Ben set his food on the coffee table, giving Trenton his full attention.
"It's nothing. I knew there would come a time when I'd have to deal with being alone. You have a life too. I can't expect you to be here all the time." Trenton wiped his mouth and set his food container on his lap. "I've been rude making you sleep on the couch this week. It can't be comfortable. You have to miss having your own space."
"I actually enjoy being here with you. Your place is much nicer than the dump they rented for me. Still, I do miss a comfortable bed and having my own things around. No matter what I do, I have to pack up and move out of where I am. Since I'm not up to staying on your couch for another month, maybe we could rent a new place together? Get a two-bedroom apartment? I bet they might even have some here we could move to." He hadn't thought it through really, just reacted, but as he made the offer, it felt right. He didn't mind staying with Trenton, he just wanted his own bed and a place to put things. Living out of the living room wasn't working for him.
Trenton's eyes widened. "Seriously, you'd do that?"
"Sure, you're easy to be around and live with. I just need you to be sure. You're not really thinking normally right now and I don't want you making a huge change in your life if you're going to regret it later. Once you've handled some of your trauma, are you going to wish you were still living alone? Your life has turned upside down the last month and I'm not sure making a huge change is the right thing. It's a big decision."
"Yeah, but one I like."
"I do too, but I'm not going to decide with one conversation. Let's take a couple of days and think about it. See where your head is after talking to Katie tomorrow." He loved the idea of living with Trenton, but for him, his reasons were more selfish. He hoped for something more in time. He wouldn't let his desire for Trenton push either of them into rushing into something that might do Trenton more harm than good in the long run.
Trenton nodded. "Okay, but know I like the idea, and not just because I have this need for company. I don't think I could live with anyone else, not even the guys I've known most of my life. We do get along, despite all my crazy."
Ben reached over and touched Trenton's leg. "You're not crazy. You're recovering. There is a big difference." Still, he could see that Trenton didn't believe his words. He wished there was more he could do, but he just didn't know what. He prayed Katie could get through to him, because if not, Trenton might keep withdrawing from the world, and that was something that shouldn't happen.
As they fell back into silence and finished eating, Ben imagined a day well into the future, where they were able to sit like this and laugh without all the events of the past month weighing them down. He wanted to move forward, but to do that, he needed Trenton to want to as well. They had to do this together, he just wasn't sure how.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Trenton woke as the lights in his room came on and a loud voice called out. He didn't make out the words, still lost in the dream he'd been having. Hell, not a dream. It had been a nightmare. He'd been back at the mansion, upstairs in one of the bondage rooms. This time in his dream he hadn't been the one being abused. He'd been tied to the cross, forced to look out over the rest of the room where small children were lined up. A large man in nothing but a leather mask stood naked, leering at the kids as he walked up and down the line of children as if inspecting them. Trenton knew the man. Knew him well.
"Trenton, wake up. You're dreaming again."
Opening his eyes, he stared blankly at the ceiling, trying to forget what he'd seen in his dream. The screams of each child as they'd been raped echoed in his head, and his arms ached as if the struggle to free himself from the cross had been real. In his dreams, he'd screamed, trying to break free to save the children, but he couldn't. He'd been forced to watch as the man moved from one child to the next.
"Trenton?" Ben's hands caressed down his arm. "Are you okay?"
