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"Until the day I was taken. I don't think I can go back to doing it again. I just don't know how to tell them I'm quitting the team." He dreaded the disappointment in their eyes when he told them. He felt as if he was letting them down. If they were strong enough to get through shit, he should be as well.
"I don't think anyone will blame you for wanting to do something different. I think you've seen enough abuse in your life, be it your own or someone else's. It's time for you to do something different."
"I'm open to ideas." Trenton linked their fingers, enjoying the way it felt to be in Ben's arms. It was the first time since being rescued that he felt completely safe. He didn't have to have his guard up or be ready for something bad to happen. Somehow, he knew Ben would protect him.
"There's no rush to decide. I can help you with money if you need it while you figure things out." Ben brushed another kiss over his shoulder.
Trenton laughed.
"What?" Ben tensed.
"Money. It's the one thing I don't need to worry about. Working for the team was very lucrative. I never have to work again if I don't want to. I've invested well. I live a simple life, and up until this, spent almost all my time at work. I appreciate the offer, but money is about the only thing in my life that isn't stressing me out right now." He rolled to his back, keeping hold of Ben's hand against his stomach. "Are you going to go work for Noam?"
Ben stared down at him. "I'm not sure yet. I wanted to see how you feel about that. I don't want to keep you attached to the team if you don't want to be, and if we live together, my working with them will mean they'll still be part of your life in a roundabout way. And, so this isn't all about you, I also don't know if after what we've been through, I can get in the right mindset to deal with pedophiles. They need someone even-tempered for that job, and I'm not sure I won't go off screaming at someone who's flirting with someone they think is a child online." Ben shrugged. "Like you, I'm not real sure what direction I want my life to go. Once I get through testifying for the D.A., I will cut most of my ties with the department. Not that I have many there anyway. I'm open to any possibilities."
Trenton forgot about testifying. It was still months away, but he would not run from standing up against the men who'd kept him hostage. Too many of the others would be too scared to speak up. He would speak for all of them. He was embarrassed to admit what had been done to him, but he would speak about all of it if it helped lock the traffickers away for a very long time. "You'll be with me when I testify?"
"If it's allowed since we both have to testify. If I can't be in the courtroom with you, I'll be right outside the doors, waiting for you."
As he stared up at Ben and saw the warm honesty in his eyes, he wondered if he would ever be ready for a relationship again. He had feelings for Ben, feelings that were growing stronger every day, but sex was his issue. He was sure if he tried to be physical with someone again, he'd end up having a full-on panic attack and send the person running in the other direction. He reached up with his free hand and traced the line of Ben's jaw. He didn't fear Ben and knew he would never hurt him. He just wasn't sure in his mind he would remember that once anything physical started. "Can I kiss you? Nothing more, just a kiss?"
Ben's eyes widened, but he didn't pull away. "I'd like that."
Nervous in a way he hadn't felt since he'd been a teenager, Trenton lifted his head. He liked that Ben let him come to him and didn't try to take over. He let Trenton have complete control. He closed his eyes as he brushed his mouth over Ben's, then softly did it again before easing his hand around the back of Ben's neck and holding him there so his lips could linger and tease Ben's. It was a chaste kiss in many ways. Neither opened nor tried to push a tongue in the other one's mouth. They kept it simple. Just sharing the closeness.
When Trenton eased back down against the pillows, he smiled. "I liked that."
"Me too." Ben dipped his head to kiss Trenton one more time.
"Will you stay here with me the rest of the night?" Trenton asked.
"You sure?" Ben met his gaze.
"I trust you. You won't push me farther than I'm ready. I just feel safe when you're with me. I like the way your arms feel around me."
"Let me go turn off the lights and I'll be right back." Ben stood.
Trenton watched as he went out and turned off the living room light, then came back into the bedroom and turned that light off. Moving over to give Ben plenty of room, Trenton smiled when the bed dipped and Ben was right there by his side again, wrapping him in his arms and kissing his shoulder softly.
"Sleep. I'll keep the nightmares away."
Believing that, Trenton closed his eyes and relaxed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Things were slowly getting better. After two meetings together with Katie, and one solo meeting each, Trenton was calming down as far as going out in public went. Ben noticed it as they walked out of the apartment and down the sidewalk toward the small park that was about a block away.
It was simple things like Trenton's grip not tightening in his when people walked by or the simple suggestion from Trenton that they go out to eat for dinner that night instead of ordering take-out. Ben wasn't sure if it was talking to Katie or something else, but things were changing.
"Faith called. She wants us to come over to Matt and Xander's for dinner and see her one more time before she heads back to school." Trenton glanced over at Ben as they walked.
"You up for that?" Ben would leave any plans concerning the team up to Trenton. He wasn't going to force him into anything he wasn't ready for. Faith had been by a few times to visit and bring them dinner, and Beau had come by to check on Trenton's injuries, but that was it.
"I think so. As long as they don't ask a lot of questions about what happened." Trenton led them to a bench and sat down, extending his leg, and rubbing around where he'd been shot.
"Sore?" Ben asked.
"A little. More stiff than anything. It feels good to be able to put weight on it, but the muscles are tight." He continued to rub it. "What I can't wait for is the stitches to come out so I can take a shower without you having to help wrap me in plastic wrap."
