Page 176 of Keeping Kasey
“I deserve it—all of it. Is that what you want to hear? That I screwed everything up because I was angry at myself for letting my guard down? That I was ashamed because, for the first time in my life, I let myselfwantsomething? Because I wanted you, Kasey. I wanted you more than I have ever wanted anything in my life,and you left.”
“You think I wanted to?” I bite out, trying to rip my hands from his hold, but he digs his fingers in harder. “Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever done!”
“Then why the hell did you do it?”
“You didn’t give me a choice!”
“Theonetime you do what you’re told,” he growls.
I try to jerk my leg up to knee him, but he positions one leg between mine, pulling my hands against his chest so I have no leverage to knee him again.
I writhe against him and let out a strangled scream. “Was I supposed to believe that youweren’tgoing to kill me?”
“You were supposed to believein me!” he yells. “Do you really believe Ievercould’ve hurt you?”
“All you’ve doneis hurt me!”
Pain slices across Logan’s face, and I wish I could take the words back, if only to bring back his anger.
I can’t handle his quiet apathy—not now.
Logan releases me, turns his back, and steps away. The distance is colder than the rain, and far less forgiving. The hollowness it leaves inside me is as painful as it is pitiful.
He shakes his head, bringing his hands up and lacing them behind his neck as he draws in deep breaths.
The desire to hit him again wars with every cell in my body that urges me to fall into his arms.
I’ve never felt this way before. Wanting—needing—something that has brought me nothing but pain. I should see the destruction this man brings and run the other way.
I shouldn’t crave being the center of it.
Logan’s arms fall to his sides as he turns, and there’s no sign of the dreaded apathy. In its place is a fervent sincerity that burns me from the inside out the moment our eyes meet. It’s a gaze haunted by regret, what-ifs, and something that looks dangerously like defeat.
He closes the distance between us in slow, deliberate steps.
“I deserve it,” he says. “Your anger, your hate, all of it. I was in love with you, Kasey. I loved you, and I lost you when all I ever wanted to do waskeep you.”
I was in love with you.
Was.
“I’ll take your hate,” he says on a broken sigh, “because I don’t deserve anything more, and I’m too selfish to take nothing at all.”
Hot tears stream down my face, freezing on my cheeks in the brutal winter night.
I’m not sure if I stepped into Logan’s embrace or if he guided me there, but in an instant, I’m cradled against his chest. His arms tighten around me, and it’s the first time in months I’ve felt any semblance of peace—ofhome.
And that simple fact breaks my heart all over again.
“I loved you too,” I manage through the sobs.
“I know, beautiful,” he whispers into my hair before kissing my forehead softly. “I know.”
CHAPTER FORTY
Logan
It’s long after my toes have gone numb that I finally lead Kasey to my car.
