Page 205 of Keeping Kasey
I nod—a slight motion that makes my head pound. “I thought if I came to you with software capable of getting the list back, we could figure everything else out.”
My plan filled me with so much hope back then. I imagined a million different ways to tell him everything, and even decided which one I would go with.
I would’ve been waiting on the front steps of the manor when Logan got home from the base—having sent memos from “theboss” to the security detail to take the day off so we wouldn’t have an audience. He would’ve pulled out a gun. I would’ve pulled out the external hard drive housing the Seeker. He wouldn’t believe me at first when I told him what it was, but after leading me into his office to demonstrate, I would’ve explained everything that happened the day I left.
Then, when he knew the truth and believed that I was back to help him and his family, I would’ve shown him the ultrasound pictures.
“I spent six weeks working on the software and figuring out the best way to tell you everything… then I started bleeding.” My words get caught in a choke, and I can’t bring myself to explain more.
Not now, when the physical and emotional torment is so overwhelming.
I realize then that I never fully dealt with this loss. The Seeker was originally meant to be a tool to reconcile with Logan, but after I lost the baby, it became the only thing capable of distracting me.
“I’m so sorry,” Logan says in a strangled whisper as a tear slides down his cheek. It’s the most hurt I’ve ever seen him, and I hate it.
I want to erase my confession and give him back his peace of mind, but that isn’t an option.
We can’t get through a loss like this by avoiding it. I’ve been trying for weeks, but it’s only made things worse.
I can’t put the pieces of my life back together until I accept that they’ve broken.
“I never would’ve—I can’t believe I… Kasey, I’m so sorry. I’m so—” His words die as he drops his head into my hand. His tears wet my palm, wrenching my heart from my chest.
I lean up as far as my body will allow to get his attention. “I don’t blame you. I should’ve told you everything. I should’ve come back sooner. I should’ve reached out. I should’ve—”
Logan sits up, takes hold of my face between his gentle, warm hands, and guides me slowly back to the couch. His forehead hovers over mine, not quite touching, but close enough to share ragged breaths.
“Do you think you will ever be able to forgive me?” he asks.
“I’m not sure,” I tell him, and when his eyes close and his breath catches, I lean in. “Forgiveness seems a little too ‘functional’ for a couple that’s better broken.”
Logan lets out a shaky exhale and a shadow of a smile lifts his lips. When his eyes open, they’re softened with an understanding that runs deeper than words. My heart finds a steady rhythm as my fingers trace gentle lines over his hand.
The days of our fling seem like another lifetime entirely. Things were easy and careless. Logan and I didn’t have to be vulnerable. We didn’t have to trust. We didn’t have to put ourselves in a situation where we could be taken advantage of—so we didn’t.
But love isn’t forged in the easy and careless.
Being forced into this reality, cruel as it is, has made Logan and me the most real and honest versions of ourselves. Stripped of pride and the walls we built so high, nothing is left butus.
No power struggles. No metaphorical middle fingers. No witty retorts or final laugh.
Just two people who fell madly in love and had to learn the hard way what it means to give of yourself.
“I love you,” I murmur against his lips. “I think I loved you the second you yelled at that man at McDonald’s.”
Logan’s breathy laugh is a balm that soothes my body and soul.
“I’m not sure ifloveis what I felt in that moment,” he says through the chuckle, then meets my eyes with the purest sincerity. “But it didn’t take long, beautiful. Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I’m sorry that keeping you wasn’t.”
“I happen to like the chase.”
“Well, you’re giving me a lot of practice,” he says, but his smile falls away. “Damon told me why you left.”
Why I—
Isabella Romano.
The name pops into my head—accompanied by dozens of pictures of the gorgeous girl on Logan’s arm—with such clarity that I can’t believe I didn’t remember until now.
