Page 34 of The Boyfriend Boycott
Grady quickly closes the distance between us with two swift steps, and holds my face in his hands, eyes frantically searching for answers. I’m suddenly very aware that I’m still in my pajamas, late into the afternoon.
“What the hell happened? Who do I need to kill?” he asks when I don’t say anything, clearly picking up on the fact that if Spencer Sinclair is crying, it’s A) for good reason, and B) likely the cause of someone else. A someone else that Grady Landry looks 150 percent ready to murder just to avenge me.
“No one. It’s nothing,” I stammer.
“It’s not nothing, Spence. Anyone or anything who makes you feel this way is not nothing.” His voice softens, and heswipes a thumb across my cheek to dry the tear that has collected anew on my lower lashes.
“Just my fucked-up family. That’s all. It’s nothing that I won’t get over. I’ll move on, like every other time before.”
“Do you want to talk about it? Would that help?” Grady hoists himself up, so he’s seated next to me on the edge of my bed again, and the image of him from my first night in Heartwood flashes across my mind. The way he crawled to me, promising that I would scream his name. The way he held true to that promise. A flutter ripples through me and replaces the last of the ache in my chest.
“I don’t want to think about it, honestly. I just want a distraction.” I drop my gaze, undressing Grady with my eyes.
“Spence, I don’t know if now is?—”
Before Grady can protest anymore, before he can change the subject so that we’re discussing my emotions and treading dangerously close to the line between fuck buddies and something more, I lean towards him and brush my lips gingerly against his.
“Let’s not talk anymore,” I whisper next to his mouth, and I notice the way his eyelids droop, the part in his lips that is beckoning me to kiss them.
Grady’s hand sweeps around to the back of my shoulder blade and he lowers me back down onto the bed, leaning over me on one elbow. His other hand comes up to cup my face.
“Whatever you need, Spencer, I’m here.” His voice is soft and low, and I push back the alarm bells that his words have fired off in my head. I focus instead on the fact that Grady is willing to give me whatever I need at this moment, and right now, that’s sex. “But I’m not letting you use sex to numb yourself. Let yourself feel, and then let me take care of you.”
He presses his warm mouth on mine, sweeping his tongue along my bottom lip. I open myself to him, let him in, the wayhe’s asking. I imagine my ribs cracking open, showing him the parts of me that I keep so heavily guarded. Grady sees it, and the way he kisses me is tender and soft, taking my sensitive parts and holding them gently. Just like the last time, I don’t let myself shy away from him. I do what he asks, and I let him take care of me.
I guide him over so I can position myself on top of him, let him see that I’m ready to give myself to him. I sit upright, our hips connecting as I straddle him, and slowly work the buttons of my cotton pajama top until my breasts are exposed, and Grady groans in admiration.
We make short work of the rest of our clothing, and I sink myself onto him, his length already hard between us. This time it’s my turn to give to Grady, and I lift my hips, guiding him inside of me.
“You take me so well,” he rasps as I lower myself onto him, taking his full length.
“Shh,” I shush him, bringing a finger to his lips. “No more talking.” Grady’s hazel eyes meet mine, his gaze pinning me as he grabs my hand and takes my finger into his mouth, sucking on it as he slowly drags it back out between his lips.
My walls clench around him as the warmth of his mouth on my finger travels up through my arm and into my core. I rock my hips, feeling the friction building between us and I increase my pace. I fuck him until I feel all my pain, rejection, and heartache dissipate, replaced by the softness with which Grady is looking at me now. The pleasure that breaks through my pain is something I’ve never felt before, it heats my whole body, every fibre of my being humming as I lose control, lose myself to the waves that crash over me.
“God, you’re so beautiful when you come.” Grady moans as I feel his release pump into me. I fall forward, our bodies stillconnected, curling up on him as he wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my hair.
I close my eyes, my cheek resting on his chest, and release a breath, my body relaxing into him.
“My father found a new family.” I whisper. Saying the words out loud, they have less bite to them than when I kept them in. I unravel myself from Grady, and lower myself onto the bed next to him, but he keeps an arm around my shoulders, so I’m nestled into the crook of his arm. He doesn’t respond, his silence creating space for me to share more. “I don’t care that he’s remarried. Hell, my mother has done it three times now. I’m happy if he’s happy. But he didn’t even have the decency to tell me. I shouldn’t expect it, because we don’t really talk all that much. I just thought maybe he would … I saw it online, a post from his new and improved daughter.”
Grady sucks in a breath through his nose as he kisses the top of my head.
“I think he’s forgotten about me,” I say, my voice cracking.
“Anyone who doesn’t want you in their life doesn’t deserve to have you anyway. You have done nothing but make my life more spectacular, more enjoyable, more exciting since you’ve been in it. Maybe it’s cliché to say, but it’s his loss. It really is.”
“You hardly know me. That’s how it’s supposed to be, no strings attached, right?”
“Spencer, I don’t think either of us can deny that there are strings here. My heart has been so tangled up in you since the moment you walked into my life. Strings are not bad, it means that you’re connected to someone. I know you’ve tried so hard to avoid connection, but it doesn’t always have to mean that you’re going to end up hurt. I would never do anything to hurt you.” Grady’s words tug at some deep part of me, a part of me I didn’t know I needed to pay attention to. He’s offering mesafety. He’spromising to be harmless, and the fucked up part of me has no idea what to do with it.
“No one can promise that. No one can promise that they’ll never hurt someone else. You’re a human being, and human beings hurt others. We’re flawed, imperfect. You can’t always give me what I want, and I wouldn’t ever expect that of you. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Let me try, Spencer. Give me one chance. Let me take you on our date tonight and let me try.”
“Our date! Oh my god, I totally forgot about our date.” The flash of hurt in Grady’s eyes causes a feeling in me that I can’t make sense of. I recognize the hollow feeling as guilt. I’m getting a little tired of new emotions and figuring out how to handle them. I’ve stood up many dates, but it never mattered because they were always the kind of guys that I assumed would have done the same thing to me in a heartbeat. Not Grady. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize, really.” Grady’s face softens, and his calloused hand strokes my shoulder as I sit up in bed. “You have a lot on your mind.”
