Page 112 of It Couldn't Be You
Once we were cruising in the sky for a bit, and Gabriel and I had yet to speak a word to each other, I dug my book out of my bag. I settled into my seat and flipped it open.
Not too much later, Gabriel set his phone on my book with his Notes app open. He’d typed out,Want to talk about last night?
Feeling suddenly on the spot and emotionally spent, I took his phone and typed underneath his line of text,I think it’s best we don’t right now
I glanced sideways at him and saw his face fall as he read my response. I instantly regretted it. Maybe taking our time writing out our responses while we had nothing else to do for a few hours actually was for the best. But I was too hesitant, too nervous to attempt reversing my choice. Instead, I stared at my book and pretended to read, blinking away tears, wishing he’d type out:are you sure?
He stared out the window the entire time, disappearing inside himself. We landed and were mutually task-focused. We got our bags, loaded his truck, and drove home in a suffocating silence.
Before long, he was dropping me off at my apartment, saying, “I’ll see you later then.”
I said, “You too,” almost apologetically.
I could’ve said, “Wait, this is stupid. Let’s talk.” Or “I’m sorry I’ve been so confusing. I just have too much I’m terrified to lose, including you.” Instead, I watched him drive away.
I stood in the parking lot with my bags. In my small town. In my time zone. I had never felt more in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Before we left for Cambria, Terrence had told me that he was planning a big surprise proposal for Katie at her family’s house with a big party. The Hernandezes were going to be having a summer barbecue with everyone she loved there. Her mom was telling her this party was so that everyone could get to know Terrence better, and his loved ones.
Then he was going to walk her down to her favorite spot at the edge of their property, where there was a dip and you could watch the sunset over the hills. He would walk her there right as the sun got low in the sky and propose. After she—hopefully—agreed to marry him, Terrence was going to call over to the party guests, “She said yes!” and then we were going to cheer and have Champagne and make toasts.
When he told me the plan, pulled aside at her family’s house for dinner, tears sprung to my eyes. “There couldn’t be a more perfect proposal for Katie,” I told him, honestly.
He’d sent me photos of the ring before he bought it, when it was just one of the ones in the running, and then again the day after he officially purchased it.
I would look at the picture and try to imagine it in Katie’s eyes. She would first lay eyes on it in the glow of sunset, in her Canada Man’s hands.
The proposal party, as we’d deemed it, was set for the day after we returned home from Cambria, so I spent the night I got home doing my laundry while trying to brainstorm an engagement toast. My mind felt foggy. My thoughts and feelings were disjointed.
I tried to keep Gabriel out of my mind, which was surprisingly easy since our time together felt almost unreal to me. Like our trip didn’t really happen. Like it was some weird dream set in California. I was awake now, back in Texas. Except, my eyes would randomly fill with tears, little prickly reminders of him, reminders of what could’ve been.
The next evening, I sat in the Hernandezes’ backyard with my parents at a table set up under pecan trees laced with twinkle nights. The warm spring night air dancing against my skin. I had been searching for Gabriel since I parked my car in the driveway. In their front yard, the side yard as we weaved toward the party in the back, and as we greeted Mr. and Mrs. Hernandez, almost asking them where he was.
I hadn’t seen him yet. Was he inside the house? Should I fake needing to pee and go inside… To what, just lay eyes on him?
I just wanted to see how he was holding up. How was he doing since we got back? Did he feel like he was clumsily holding the pieces of his heart together right now, like me, ready to fall apart if someone bumped into him or if he forgot, even for just a second, to hold it together? Was he broken like me? But, I remembered, I’d left him confused and hurt before, like this was my habit. This thought made my chest constrict.
“God, I had no idea how many people Katie knew,” my dad said, interrupting my thoughts, as we took in the big crowd awaiting Katie and Terrence’s arrival.
“Some of these people are Terrence’s friends and family who flew down for the proposal.” I ran my fingers over the table cloth.
“Can you imagine the size of the wedding?” mom guffawed.
“Oh, you know Katie, she is going to do it big. She’ll invite every customer at Coffee & Commass,” I said.
“Every order will get an invitation tucked in with their napkin,” my mom added through laughter.
“Oh, I can smell the pulled pork sandwiches.” My dad sniffed the air. It was spicy, sweet, and meaty. They had a buffet with all the barbecue fixings, which included the famous Hernandez pulled pork. Plus, salsa, chips, queso and guacamole.
I sipped my large cup of icy sweet tea.
“Hey, we haven’t heard about your trip with Gabe,” my dad said suddenly. “How’d that go?”
I met my mom’s questioning gaze for just a moment and then looked up at the sky. The sun would be setting soon. “It was quick, you know. We were hopping from place to place. I came back tired.”
“It looked like fun, at least on the social medias.” My dad always said the social medias, plural, even though he only used Facebook.
“It was really fun,” I said. “Cambria was beautiful.”
