Page 116 of It Couldn't Be You
“Oh, baby,” she whispered. Then said, “Work or boys?”
I sniffled. “Gabe.”
A knowing, “ahem” from Mom. She led me to a Mexican spot for dinner a few doors down the street. We ordered two tall iced sweet teas and a big heaping pile of nachos to share.
“What happened?” she asked, finally, after our food was in front of us.
So, I told her. I told her about the songs through the wall, holding hands in the back of the car, and kisses in the doorway. My twenty-first birthday and the morning after message. The junior high jealousy of Michelle. How Gabriel complimenting my sparkly dress meant more to me than Jordan buying it for me. I told her everything, as she crunched on salty tortilla chips and nodded her head. After I had let every single word out, every single story, every single secret, Mom asked me a question.
“What is the hold-up, Emma?” She gestured her arms emphatically, a chip still in one of her hands.
I sipped my tea to bide time.
She dunked a chip in salsa as she said, “You have the feelings. You know what you want and how long you’ve wanted it. You know he feels the same. It’s all there. Why are we crying in the car?What is the hold-up?”
“I’m afraid of losing everything.” I let out an exasperated breath because I thought it should be obvious. “The dynamics with his family would be different with Katie. Gabe would probably want me to move, you know. It would change everything.”
“Baby, everything’s going to change anyway. You can’t preserve everything like a picture. Katie’s getting married and is going to have babies. Trust me. That’ll change things. Dad and I are getting older. Life keeps going. You can only keepyourselfin place—everyone else is going to keep going.”
“I realize that things have already changed. I guess things were changing all along with Gabe and me. Since Christmas. Since college.”
“Since junior high,” Mom teased. “He’s always challenged you.”
“He’s always seen through me.” I winced.
“I think he just has always understood parts of you that you don’t want to understand.”
“It’s like he sees versions of me that I’m scared to admit exist.” The restaurant felt cold, I rubbed my arms to warm myself.
“Versions of you that you’re meant to be, Em,” Mom said tenderly.
She reached across the table and placed her hand on mine. “Nothing will ever change so much that you won’t be able to come home to Mama. We’ll order big cups of iced tea and talk about all of it. The same goes for Katie, you know. You two are strong enough to take on any big change. You’ll just adjust and then keep plugging along.”
“I know.” I squeezed her hands. “I think I just get so stuck trying to determine the right move that I don’t make a move. Until I’m scared of moving at all.”
“You were that way even as a little girl. I can still see you standing in front of our little kiddie pool. Your friends were all splashing around, and you guys were like three years old. You were standing there in your ruffled swimsuit, trying to decide if you should get in and play. I called out to you, ‘Get in and play, Emma,’ and you said, in your high little voice, ‘But I’ll be wet!’ So I go, ‘Then we’ll dry you off!’ You looked at me with this quizzical little look. I was half expecting your toddler self to say, ‘It’s not that easy, Mom.’”
“Gabriel would just throw me in,” I slumped back in the booth.
“Or dare you until you wanted to splash in to prove something to him.”
“He’s always been okay in the unknown, even the unknown of us.”
“He just wants you to enjoy the water with him,” Mom giggled. “Mom’s always here ready to dry you off with a towel if you change your mind and want to get out of the water, baby.”
I nodded my head at her. “But you think I need to just dive in, huh? That’s what you’d do.”
She shrugged and popped a chip in her mouth.
Idrove from the restaurant straight to the Hernandez house.
When I pulled into the rocky driveway, I noticed Gabriel’s truck wasn’t there. I got out of my car anyway and jogged up the front porch steps to knock on the door, but no one answered. The house appeared empty. I called Katie as I walked back to my car.
“Hey, Katie,” I said when she answered.
“Hey, Emma, what’s up? I’m getting dinner with Terrence, so I can’t talk long,” Katie said, her voice low.
“Where is everyone? I came over to your house to talk to Gabe, but he’s not here. No one is from the looks of it.” I glanced around the empty driveway.
