Page 20 of It Couldn't Be You
“Em?” She boomed through my car speakers.
“I’m driving home,” I announced.
“You didn’t. Oh my God, Em!”
“I did. I escaped through the window like I’m a character onFriendsor something.”
Katie burst into laughter. And, with tears on my face, I did, too. We laughed so hard that I had to pull over in an old Baptist Church parking lot. We laughed until we were quiet, silent, and I could just breathe.
Finally, I said, “I did the selfish, immature, rude thing. I literally did the wrong thing, the thing you shouldn’t do. I knew it was wrong, and I did it anyway.”
“You’re human, Emma. Sometimes humans do the selfish, immature, rude thing every once in a while. And I know you better than most, and can say, you rarely do that, so I think you’re allowed this one.”
I groaned.
“Man, you sure did save up for a big one, though. Didn’t you, my dear?”
“That I did. But, while I did do it for myself—I also kind of did it for Jordan, too. Mostly for me. But a little bit for him, too.”
“I know, hon. I really do.”
With that, I put my car in drive and headed home. Not the tiny apartment with the windows overlooking my town, but my childhood home where my parents would probably have a fire burning in the fireplace and my dad would have his nose in a book. I parked outside their house, expecting to feel like a kid again, all reckless relief, but instead, I felt very adult.
Here I was, a grown-up, carrying in my grown-up burdens and problems to discuss with my parents. But there was no way they could somehow fix this for me like they used to help fix my cuts and scrapes, my torn stuffed animals, my lost homework assignments, and even some of my heart’s very first bruises. I was home, I was theirs, gratefully, but I was also under my own care and supervision now.
Six
Jordan Boyfriend <3
Hey, are you ok in there?
Jordan Boyfriend <3
Emmy, you coming out anytime soon?
Jordan Boyfriend <3
????
Jordan Boyfriend <3
You left???
Iwas an only kid. My parents had always told me that they had “knocked it out of the park on the first try” and felt no need to try anymore after me. This kind of flattery was kind, but it also never really cut it for me.
My parents were kind of obsessed with each other, and I secretly always wondered if they just didn’t want to deal with anyone else getting in the way of their little bubble. They allowed me, their lucky accident in, and no one else. I wouldn’t have minded one other kid in our bubble—or at least a dog or something. But it remained just us three, for better or worse.
I hated it sometimes. Especially on the days I felt acutely aware of both of their eyes only on me, their hopes and goals for their offspring hanging solely on me. But, on the days I needed all the love, all the focus, all four arms around me, I loved that my parents were all mine. This December afternoon was a day I appreciated my position as the only child.
As the dark sky crackled and cried, I laid my head in my mom’s lap and let silent tears fall as she rubbed my back.
“I remember doing this when you were two years old watching Barney,” she said softly. I imagined my little two-year-old hands reaching for my mom’s and placing them on my back. I glanced at my hands now, bigger but still no diamond rings.
“No, we didn’t know,” my mom and dad told me when I asked if they knew Jordan was going to propose.
“I’m not necessarily surprised, though,” my mom added.
“If you feel anything less than a hundred percent ‘yes,’ then it should be ‘no,’” my dad said firmly. “Marriage isn’t something you should talk yourself into. Marriage requires a hundred percent.”
