Page 32 of It Couldn't Be You
There was a drunken group behind us shouting for her to sing, “Don't Stop Believin’,” but we just kept slow dancing, no matter the song, no matter what anyone else around us was doing.
Until Katie was suddenly standing with us. She yanked me out of Gabe’s arms, saying we needed to find a better spot to see the firework show. That it was starting any minute now.
I felt dazed and dreamy from being buried in Gabriel’s warmth, but I followed her. Gabe grabbed onto my other hand as we weaved through the people until we found a bench with a clear view. We all released hands as Katie started excitedly clapping and looking up at the sky. She was ready for the show. An announcer boomed from the speakers that we were thirty seconds away from midnight.
I looked ahead, and in the distance, I saw a group huddling close, laughing, and tapping cups together that looked so much like Jordan’s family.Was that guy Jordan?
Then we all started counting along until it was “Three, two, one, midnight.”
It was new day, a new year, for all of us.
There was screaming and clapping. Katie grabbed me and gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I kissed her cheek, too. On instinct, I turned to Gabriel, and he slipped his arm around my waist and drew my face to his like we might just start slow dancing again, and kissed me lightly on the cheek.
He stayed there for a moment as my breath caught in my throat, and he whispered against my jawline, “Happy new year, Em.”
I forgot words, my voice catching in my throat. “Th-thank you,” I finally stammered.
We stayed close for a moment longer.
“Happy New Year,” I whispered, a few more words coming back to me. He smiled at me so warmly my whole body could’ve melted.
Katie bumped into me, saying, “Look up,” and I broke away from Gabe, raising my eyes to the sky. Colors crashed and sparkled over us, booming and loud. Katie grabbed my hand and then leaned her shoulders against mine. How’d I get so lucky that no matter the change in my life, I still had her? The sparkly reds and greens lit up the sky, and I settled into the promise of starting over.
Another me, who made other choices, would be bundled up in the arms of my new fiancé and his family, thinking being fired gave her more time to plan her wedding and move into that house Jordan had his eye on. Maybe her soon-to-be-father-in-law could get her a job at his company. I’d have a different kind of fresh start waiting for me in the new year. I couldn’t help this line of thinking. This painful game of comparison came from hitting the backspace button. The emptiness was now a question of what might have come next.
That me would be staring up at the sky, a ring on her finger, but the doubts would weigh her down. She’d be tired from trying so hard to make something feel right. And there’s no way she would’ve gotten to dance with Gabriel.
I glanced over at Gabriel. He was gazing up at the sky, but then he looked right back at me with that same smile from moments before. And I felt the opposite of weighed down, the opposite of tired, not a doubt in my mind. I smiled back at him. Then we both kept looking up at the sky.
After the fireworks ended, the crowds began to disperse. People were either heading home or to after parties to continue celebrating. We made our way down the street and came upon the band again to find they were still playing.
The singer was softly singing “New Year’s Day” by Taylor Swift.
“Oh, I love this one,” Katie said.
A cute guy who had been walking beside us overheard her and boldly asked, “Would you like to dance?”
Katie grinned. “Why not?” She swayed with him.
Gabriel cleared his throat, so I looked over to him to see he was holding out his hand. Everyone else was leaving, but we started dancing.
One year came to end, along with my relationship, my job—the way I lived my life for years. Undeniably, things were ending, but, as Gabriel dipped me, I couldn’t help but think they were also undeniably just beginning.
Gabriel spun me in, placed his hand against my chin, and lifted my head gently so we were looking into each other’s eyes.
“It’s going to be a good year, Emma,” he said it like a promise.
The fireworks were over, but I was still all lit up inside.
Ten
The aftermath of Gabriel always felt a bit like a hangover. I felt a little dazed, a little confused. I had to reorient my feelings and my choices the way people usually took aspirin and tried to hydrate.
January 1, I woke up around 10 a.m. and lay in bed dreaming off and on about Gabriel pulling me in while we danced, about his eyes on me as I walked into the room in my little black dress, about the earnestness in his voice as the scent of fireworks filled the crisp night air. I was in and out of sleep until my dreams filled with memories of Gabriel’s lips against mine, of his hand on the small of my back, of my hand in his hair. My memories from last night, giving way to a memory I’d locked up tight in the back of my mind.
My twenty-first birthday fell on a Friday night. It was a cold October. Gold and red leaves were scattered across the streets, and the sun was setting earlier each night. I was fresh into my senior year of college with a heavy workload for my last fall semester. I was thirsty for a break.
All day long Katie had been telling me she had a birthday surprise for me—along with the birthday plans we’d already made together, which was basically just to go with our friends to a bar in Fort Worth on Sundance Square.
