Page 45 of It Couldn't Be You
“Yeah. I could feel myself holding back. Like I was waiting it out. I don’t know why, but I do that every time. I guess I always feel like…” But then he trailed off. He looked away.
“Me too,” I said suddenly. “You know, me and the disqualifiers.”
“Oh, yes, the disqualifiers,” he said, but then he looked at the ground. “But not with Jordan.”
“Well, I obviously found a few disqualifiers, didn’t I?” I joked sardonically. “You know, you said the same thing at your family’s Christmas party. As if Jordan is perfect or something.” I paused, but he just blinked at me. “Why do you say things like that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen you be like that with a guy before. I just assumed he must be just the perfect guy. Or, at least, you think he’s the perfect guy. Or something like that.”
“I’ve never been looking for anyone perfect.”
“Well, perfect or not, you guys seemedperfectlyin love for years.” He seemed a little agitated like he was wrestling with some thought.
“Yeah,” I said, navigating the maze of this conversation. “But we broke up, so…”
“Are you still in love with him?”
My eyes widened in surprise at his directness. “I don’t know. No? But with an asterisk? Because I will always love him.”
“You’ll always love him?”
“Why are you grilling me about my recent breakup?” I asked on the verge of frustration.
“Sorry, sorry, we just never talked about it. I’ve always had my questions. You two came out of nowhere and were serious in, like, seconds.” He sounded exasperated.
“Why would we have talked about it?” I asked.
“Because you met him when you were twenty-one.”
“Because I met him when I was twenty-one?” I repeated it back as a question.
“When you were twenty-one things were…” he said softly, almost a whisper.
“Things were?” I gestured for him to continue.
Then he said quickly, “Well, I feel like we’ve dug up enough relationship history for one day. I should probably head back home since your car is obviously good to go.”
I nodded, even though I remained standing there, frozen as the snow on the ground. He hopped on his crutches back to the driver’s side of his car, away from me.
I stayed standing there.When I was twenty-one things were…complicated.
Gabriel and I kissed when I was twenty-one.
We had high hopes. But I didn’t get that job near him in Los Angeles.
I didn’t even try afterward, even as he urged me to try other options.
I moved home when I was twenty-one.
I bowed out.
We talked less and less. I ignored so much.
I said no thank you to anything scary when I was twenty-one.
And Gabriel Hernandez had always scared me.
He started his car, waking me from my memories. He looked out his window at me still standing there in the parking lot where he left me.
