Page 56 of It Couldn't Be You
This was my work trip, after all. I was supposed to know and to have a plan ready. I felt in over my head like the sea of choices I’d made to get myself here was slowly rising over my capabilities. I pulled out my phone and nervously went over my to-do list for the hundredth time. Where to begin?
I finally guessed, “I’m not sure. I guess we just do something on the list and then keep going from there?”
Katie calmly and collectedly said, “Sure, that sounds good to me.” She grabbed her purse as I almost walked out the door without mine. Luckily, she grabbed it for me along with hers.
I drove us to our first stop, hands shaking as I put the rental car in park. I was racking my brain, trying to prepare for what I should focus on, what I should be looking for. What would the readers what from my piece? Should I put a spin on it?
We wandered around the little town government building with a friendly tour guide. I anxiously took random notes about facts he was sharing as if I were studying for a test. Katie kept rubbing my shoulder in a way she hadn’t done since we were in line for a rollercoaster back in high school… A roller coaster I ran away from once we got to our turn in line.
After that, we went to another stop and another. All the while, I was studying, taking notes as if I’d taken all the grind from my reporting with me on this trip but left behind all the fun and inspiration.
I was mindlessly leaving my things places, a habit I hadn’t had since finals week my senior year of college. So far, I had lost my purse, my sunglasses, my wallet, and potentially all my creativity.
“Em,” Katie said as we walked out of the Human Bean. She helpfully guided me back to where I had parked. “Do you really think you need this coffee?”
I laughed along maniacally but kept sipping.
“Em,” she said again, a stern tone in her voice. “Are you okay?”
“Yes.” I was trying to open the car door while balancing my purse, phone, and coffee cup in my arms. She came over to my side of the car and opened it for me.
“I think you’re a little freaked out.”
“No, no,” I said, obviously lying, as I climbed into the driver’s seat. “I want to write this.”
“I didn’t ask if you want to write this. I know you do. I asked if you were okay. You can want to do thisandalso be totally freaked out,” she said after sliding into the passenger seat.
I put my coffee in the cup holder. I looked to her and just sighed, a deep, surrendering sigh.
“Em, you just got this job like two days ago. Now we’re in this random town and you’re supposed to write about it. You’ve never written an article like this. It makes sense to be freaked out. I’m in the freaked-out boat with you.”
“You are?” I asked since she didn’t seem freaked out at all.
“I am definitely freaked out. Just about different things, of course.” She winked. “I guess Canada Man has really done a number on both of us.”
“I guess he really has,” I said, my voice small. She put her hand on mine, and I took a breath in and out. In and out. “I think I’m lost. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m trying to report on this city when I know that’s not what they want. I just don’t know how to come up with what they want.”
“Don’t ask yourself what they want. What doyouwant to write?”
“It doesn’t feel that simple. I came into this thinking I’d know exactly what to do. I’ve been a reporter for years, after all. Now that I’m doing this…I feel out of my element. Like someone asked me for a latte and now I’m standing in front of an espresso machine, but I’ve only ever made drip coffee.”
“Oh, your first barista analogy. Makes me miss Coffee & Commas.”
I sipped my own latte while Katie watched me thoughtfully. She said, “I’m not the person who can help you with this.” She then pulled out her phone. “I know who to call.”
I started to panic. The last person I wanted to share these anxieties with was Terrence, my very new boss. I shook my head no at her as the phone rang.
“Hey,” a familiar voice said over the speakerphone. My whole body sighed. Tears of relief started to stream down my face as Gabe’s voice, even velvety through the phone, said, “Hello?”
“Hi,” I said, taking the phone into my own hands.
“Em? I thought this was—”
“I’m on Katie’s phone,” I explained, wiping my eyes.
“Are you crying?” he asked, concern in his voice.
“Yeah, sorry,” I sniffled. “I’m having a little freak out over the new job.”
