Page 74 of It Couldn't Be You
“We love Michelle, Gabriel. She’s a sweetheart,” his mother said, joining in from the kitchen. “No one will make fun of you,” she said the last line more as an order than a promise. Then she looked at me and winked. I looked away awkwardly.
“Girlfriends are gross,” Ricky said from his spot, laying on the ground before the TV with a paper plate of a half-eaten slice resting on his stomach.
I was frozen as if I had just received crushing, earth-shattering news. We were watching theSandlot, but I didn’t laugh at any of the mishaps. I could only eat a few bites of pizza. I couldn’t even look at Gabe. My face felt hot each time Michelle was brought up. I didn’t understand why I was feeling this way.
I could remember that day so clearly still. Maybe it was the first time I had an inkling of what was to come, my first bout of jealousy, or it was the first time I felt likeI shouldn’t be feeling this wayabout Gabriel. Either way, I still remembered it well enough that the red-hot feeling in my face at the mention of Michelle’s name still returned to me randomly when I was in the car listening to a sad song or trying to fall asleep at night.
I slept over with Katie that night, and as we lay side by side in her bed, I whispered, “Hey, Katie, are you still awake?”
She responded sleepily, “Yeah?”
“What is Michelle like?”
“Whose Michelle?” She yawned.
“Gabriel’s…you know…girlfriend.”
“Oh, you know her. We’ve seen her at school. She runs track. She’s super nice. She made our family cookies the other day.” She was disinterested in this subject.
I couldn’t decide how to respond. I wanted to ask if Michelle was pretty, if Gabriel had ever put his arm around her, if the family thought she was funny or smart, and were the cookies delicious. I’d never made cookies for anyone without my mom’s helps. But instead, I just laid there silently until I fell asleep.
I soon became used to feeling this way whenever Gabriel had a girlfriend or a date. It was like how I could count on squinting when trying to hear someone better, how my knees were sore whenever I went for a run, and how I got a stomachache whenever I ate anything with too much lemon. It was just a part of being Emma, like a fact of my existence.
That Christmas, I brought over cookies for the Hernandezes that I’d made all by myself, and Mrs. Hernandez told me they were the best she’d ever had. As if this were some crucial, important part of my life, I remembered her telling me this clearly. Gabriel didn’t say anything about them.
Twenty-Six
Gabe
I’ll be there this morning for that perfected mocha.
Me
I’ll have it ready for you. As a second apology for running away last night. Still feeling sorry. Thank you for watching a movie with me anyway.
Gabe
All is forgiven. It was more fun watching a movie on the phone with you than watching it in person with other people. It made up for the ditching.
Gabe
Though I will happily accept this second apology.
Me
New movie watching tradition? Gabe & Em phone movies?
Gabe
it was fun, but I’d prefer having you next to me next time
.
Me
deal.
As February began to come to a close like the last button on a heavy coat, Gabriel started coming to the coffee shop for a mocha every single morning. Katie whispered to me once, as he was leaving, “I think Gabe really missed us. He’s been here almost every single day.”
