Page 8 of It Couldn't Be You
No matter the silly flaws or the big flaws, none of them were disqualifiers because, after all this time, he had proven himself un-disqualifiable. Honestly, he probably had the biggest disqualifier of them all. He was my best friend’s brother, entirely off limits, but my heart still sunk its anchor into him and said, “Let’s stop here.”
I guessed the right guy would feel like that, like Gabe. I splashed the wine in my glass absentmindedly. Wait, no,like Jordan, I mentally corrected myself. I was thinking this as I stood in the kitchen, the noise of the family laughing and celebrating around me. I took a sip of my wine and then corrected myself again—the right guy would feel like Jordan.
The right guy was Jordan, ormaybeit was. It could be? I really adored him. He was kind, tender, patient, and the kind of handsome that belonged strutting down a football field or slamming the hood of a car closed. I knew he was the dream guy for tons of women. But it was almost as if I hadn’t realized just how waning our chemistry was until I was standing in front of Gabriel again. That might not be a fair comparison, though. Gabe didn’t count.
I took another sip, and my eyes locked with Gabriel’s. He hopped off the couch and started walking over to me. Man, I hated how he would show up and mess with my head. My phone started vibrating in my back pocket. I slid it out and saw Jordan’s name on the caller ID.
“Hey, you,” I answered and slipped out the sliding glass doors onto the big back porch, twinkle lights hanging from the wooden beams overhead. I pulled my sweater over my hands at the chill of the upper thirty-degree winter night.
“Hey, Emmy,” Jordan said. “Is the party still going?”
“Oh, yeah. You know how it goes. I haven’t even checked the time.” Their black German Shepherd, Midnight, came and licked my shoes. I rubbed behind his ears.
“Did it really end up just being the family? No one else?” he asked.
“Yeah. Only family, their significant others, and their…me.” I glanced inside the windows. Tanya and Luis were ushering their respective little families out the door, sleepy kids in their arms.
“You’re basically crashing another Hernandez family thing again?”
“Sort of.”
“Why are they even calling it a party then?” He laughed.
His family was wildly different than the Hernandezes. Always with the extended relatives, family friends, and friends of family friends. The bigger, the better. Jordan couldn’t understand the way the Hernandezes were sometimes really content with their own company—not in a cruel way. Jordan would never be cruel. He just couldn’t quite get it. Or why his girlfriend was weirdly always invited.
“You know them. It’s always a party.” I laughed. “They’ll all be together again for Christmas in a few days, cracking out the food and wine.”
I could almost see him nod. I knew the very one. My heart staggered; that was my Jordan. I felt my face flush at the memory of saying,“Jordan isn’t flawless, trust me,”to Gabe. It was an unfaithful move. I’d burn inside if he said the same about me. Or would I? I bit my lip.
“So, is everyone back?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “And Ricky has a new girlfriend.”
“Ah.” I wondered if he remembered Ricky. “Well, I’m over at my mom’s. We kind of had our own Christmas party, I guess. Mom made this big pot of chili, and we were all watching Christmas movies. My sisters were making cookies. Wish you could’ve come.”
“That sounds fun. I’ll be there tomorrow for the big shindig, promise.” I felt guilty. I knew that Jordan, and his family, whom I loved, wanted me to pick them the way I always picked the Hernandezes.
“You better be,” he teased. “I miss you, you know.”
“I miss you, too,” I said softly. Jordan was always with the “miss you” and the “need you” and all those sentiments that I wondered if he could truly mean them. Did he miss me?
I glanced back inside and saw Gabriel. I felt guilty looking at him. I felt guilty that he made my heart race as if I had any control over it—over chemical reactions.
“Gabe is here,” I randomly said.
“Oh, yeah?” Jordan’s voice cut a little sharper.
“Yeah, we were catching up. Talking about writing.”
“Ah, good, I’m glad. I know you like to talk writing sometimes.”
I nodded into the phone. Could he almost see it? Did he know the exact nod like I knew his? Did he know me like I knew him? I knew Jordan like the back of my hand, knew the scars, knew the shape, knew the imprint it could make. I had been memorizing Jordan since our first date, as if studying for a test. Like if you knew someone well enough, you would love them by default.
Or maybe, I thought coldly,I was searching for the opposite of Jordan’s disqualifier. Maybe I was searching for his qualifier. That thing that would make him thrill me.
“How is ole Gabe? He was like your best friend for a while, right? Right up there with Katie,” he said, his voice booming into this quiet night.
“Yeah, but it’s been a while since then. He’s fine. He just finished a project, so I think he’ll be home for a little while.” Why was I talking about Gabe to Jordan? I desperately wanted to stop.
