Page 80 of It Couldn't Be You
Gabriel picked me up at my apartment about half an hour before two. Paws for Effect was a short five or ten minutes down the road from my apartment, but with all his excited energy, we left early.
I got in the car and noticed the backseat had a crate, a big dog pillow, chew toys, dog food, and lots of bags from Pet Smart.
“Someone is prepared,” I mused aloud.
“I’m banking on the fact that we’re going to get along.”
“I don’t doubt it,” I said. “The pillow looks cozy.”
He backed up his truck and started the drive toward the shelter.
“So, what made you decide you wanted a dog right now?” I asked, making conversation.
“To be honest, I’ve been a little down lately. I was Facetiming with my therapist, and somehow we landed on me talking to Paws for Effect.”
“And one thing led to another?”
“Exactly.” He kept his eyes on the road.
“So, you've been down. Would that have anything to do with the casted-up leg?” I wanted to reach out and touch his arm or his shoulder to offer some sort of comfort. I had noticed that Gabriel was taking this accident and all that shrapnel of his life that came with it hard.
“In part, yeah, the injury is part of it.”
“I’d be down if I had sprained my ankle, let alone fractured a femur.”
“Yeah, you know, itisthe injury, sure, but it’s also a lot more. It’s like there is the cause and then there’s the effect, and the effect is what has me…down.” He hit the blinker. “Since that’s the word we’ve been sticking with.”
“Are you missing LA?” I was wondering what all could be labeled as “effect.”
“No, it’s not LA. I’ve liked being away from LA, to be honest. I didn’t realize how much I would, but I do. What I’ve missed is my work. I’d just gotten a little momentum in my career, and now I’ve had to hit the brakes. I’ve missed some trips I had planned that were important for my book deal. You know it’s my first collection of photography and writing, all based around hiking the PNW, and I’ve had to extend the deadline and move around dates…and I’m nervous.” He sighed. “I guess I’m down, but I’m also the opposite of down—I’m all anxious about everything. I’m up,andI’m down.” He laughed bitterly.
“Sorry to drudge it all up.” But I wasn’t, not really. I was always desperate to know what was going on in Gabriel’s head.
“No, I should probably talk to someone about it. Not just mope around.”
“Are you anxious about the extended deadline?” I turned toward him in my seat.
“I am. I’m also disappointed. I’d put a lot of work into the proposal and the plan. I’d mapped out the next year for working on it. Now every bit of it is under revision.”
“I’m so sorry, Gabe.” I felt frustrated for him.
“Did you know the doctor doesn’t want me hiking for months and months? Hiking is a huge part of this book. I just don’t…” He took a deep breath and turned into the parking lot. He put the car in park. “I don’t know how to plan around all of this. I can guess about the future—but it’s also just that, guessing.”
“I thought you were healing really well.”
“I am. Physical therapy is going great. But I’m still supposed to wait a while until I get back out there. Then I have to work to even get back to the level of activity I was used to.” He turned to me in his seat. “This trip was planned around the seasons, as is the book. It’s all delayed now. How does reworking the trip affect the plan for the book? Can we even bet on these new changes I’ve made? I’m nervous about these publishers scrapping it.”
“All of those are just what ifs.What ifthey scrap it?What ifI’m not ready by the new dates?What ifI can’t work with these changes and revisions? They’re valid things to be anxious about. They’re valid things to be down about. But they’re not reality. Right now, in real life, you still have the deal, and they’re letting you reschedule. In real life, they’re working with you. That’s the reality of this situation.”
He rubbed his forehead. “I know.”
“The reality is also that there is a rascally little pup in there waiting to meet you.” I tapped on the window.
He grinned behind his hands. I could see it. “A nicer reality,” he murmured.
“He will probably also need to be trained to the right level of activity to accompany you back to working on your book.” I winked.
“My furry hiking companion.” He was lit up again, that hesitant joy.
