Page 9 of It Couldn't Be You
“Well, I’m not up for sharing you that much more. I want you for the rest of the holidays.” He was joking, but he wasn’t.
“Possessive, huh?”
“I just want you to get used to some of my family traditions. It’ll be special to have you there. Tomorrow is a tradition for my cousins, but also my dad’s cousins and his granddad’s cousins. It’s really fun.”
“I’m really excited, Jordan,” I said. I was smitten with the idea that all of Jordan’s family all stayed connected like that.
They had this huge party every Christmas where the kids went wild, and the adults all caught up. I’d been excited to see Jordan with people who’d known him as an awkward twelve-year-old and a hyper two-year-old.
He’d told me about it so many times, and I would always think how sweet it would be to be an insider at these family events he loved. I had trouble envisioning myself as anything but an outsider hearing about it. But I was becoming an insider, wasn’t I?
“How was work today?” I asked.
“It was great. I’m making so many new contacts. It was such a win connecting with that guy, Jon. What we do is what his clients need, so having me as a referral is a win for both of us, really. I swear I had so many calls today with so much potential.”
“God, I’m so proud of you, Jordan,” I said. Jordan had been planning, strategizing, and building his own construction company since we first started dating.
“Making my own name in the town I grew up in,”he’d said over that first dinner together. He already had his own name, his own reputation—and a deeply respected one, at that—his own life, and I knew that. Even on that first date, I knew that.
This company was his dream. But as much as it was his dream, it was also the next step in his plan. He had his plan, and he was taking it step by step. His steps were his dreams, or his dreams were the steps. It was funny to someone tripping through life like me.
The next step… I could barely swallow when I thought about his next steps—house, marriage, kids.
I thought about my tiny apartment with the windows looking out onto our little cityscape and my balcony full of potted plants. I thought about my little unattached life where I could stay at my best friend’s family’s house late into the night, drinking wine at the drop of a hat. I thought of having kids and almost blacked out.
“I’m excited, Emmy. Everything’s really starting. It’s all starting for me,” he said earnestly.
“It is,” I said.
I remembered that first date. It was funny how he’d only graduated college a couple of years before me, but his life was all mapped out before him. My life was the opposite. It had gotten all torn and tangled while unfolding before me. It all felt so easy that day as I sat across from him. I could just slip my hand into his and hop from step to step with him. I wouldn’t even have to think about it.
But here I was on a December night, standing out in the cold, looking at another man through the window, thinking about it.
“It’s starting for you, too, Emmy,” he said sweetly.
“I sure hope so,” I said.
“I know it is. It’s happening forus.” It was that sweetness that made me want to hop from step to step with him. That sweetness that I liked kissing me goodnight and sending me text messages every morning.
“For us,” I repeated.
The sliding glass doors opened, making me jump. Out slipped Linda and David. They were all bundled up and shuffling out with their egg nogs.
“Hey, sweetie,” Linda said.
“Hey.” I gave a little wave. “Jordan, I got to go. I’ll call you in the morning.”
“Okay.” He sounded disappointed. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“We’ll talk tomorrow,” I confirmed. “Bye.”
“Hey, I love you,” he said quickly.
“Love you, too,” I said, then hung up. I turned back to Linda and David. “The party ending?”
“Well, now it’s just the young crew inside, and they’re trying to decide on a game to play. We’re too old for that, so we’re sneaking out while we still can,” Linda said as if they were getting away with something.
“A little eggnog under the stars with my wife—that’s the best way to end a Christmas party if you ask me,” David said.
