Page 20 of Lucy Loves Him Not
He looked over at Victor and Olivia as they chatted with Katie, then leaned in toward the table and whispered, “Are you and Victor…you know…”
“Dating?” I couldn’t stop myself from grinning.
He put up his hands. “I shouldn’t ha?—”
“We’re not dating. The setup was a flop. No fireworks,” I said simply.
“No fireworks,” he echoed, repeating the solution to a math equation.
Eight
Olivia slid into Adam’s spot across from me after Adam and Victor left the coffee shop.
“You didn’t tell me he was hot.” Olivia wiggled her eyebrows over her Americano.
“Define hot.” I crossed my arms defiantly.
“He is literally your typical definition of hot. Tall, dark, and lanky. But lanky in a good way.”
“Lanky in a good way?” I said incredulous, but knowing exactly what she meant. Katie calls out an order ready for pick-up from the coffee bar.
“He’s got those arms that could hold you but also hold one of your giant stacks of books,” she said, laying it on thick as icing.
I rolled my eyes. His attractiveness was just annoying to me, another glitch to my system to try and rewire. “No, because I bet Annoying Adam doesn’t even read fiction. He’s one of those guys who think anything that isn’t nonfiction is a waste of time.”
“It seems signing the contract didn’t make things nice between you two? Hm?”
“Well, we weren’t fighting like we did during our disastrous first meeting. But we’re not suddenly best friends, either.Signing the contract simply made us colleagues if you’re reading the fine print.”
“Did he apologize?” Olivia lowered her voice, taking on a more serious tone.
“He did. It seemed genuine…but I’m waiting to see if he’s secretly still that guy from our first phone call.”
“What’d he say about that call, anyway?” She took a sip of her drink.
“He said that he was caught up in work mode and wanted to brush past any,” I made apostrophes over my fingers, “extra baggage.”
“I could see that mindset making the phone call brisk.” Olivia cocked her head like she was considering his excuse.
“Orthis nice little truce he proposed is Adam in ‘work mode’ trying to save face with the old volunteers and manipulate me. And the guy on the phone is the real Adam.”
Olivia twisted in her seat. “What does your gut tell you?”
My gut was a knotted mess of feelings. Trusting it wasn’t something I could do when it came to this guy. My gut wanted me to tell him off one more time with feeling, but it also wanted him to grin at me again.
Iwent home that night and tried to ignore any conflicting feelings and rogue thoughts, but it was difficult to do in such a quiet apartment. My thoughts were louder without our usual chitter-chatter to drown them out.
Olivia hadn’t been gone that long, but I felt her absence right away, like losing contact lenses or a light bulb burning out. Olivia down the hall humming to herself or lying on the couch with a thick book wasn’t only comfort, it felt vital in ways I was just realizing.
It had only been a week since she started sleeping at her new house. That first night without her I went to bed early and cried into Stevie’s sweet, furry self because I had never noticed before how dark my apartment got at night.
Where are the street lights?Am I too old for a nightlight?I ordered some on Amazon anyway and slept with the lamp on that night.
Now I stared into the fridge for something to do. “She’s not here,” I called out to Stevie as she looped outside Olivia’s old bedroom door. I think she was wondering where the aunt who snuck her treats and bought her little toys had disappeared to.
These days, I was trying to find a new rhythm since so much of my day-to-day was different now. I was eating more meals alone and started playing music throughout the day, letting Stevie Nicks and Maggie Rogers replace what used to be conversation.
But it went beyond the concrete, tangible changes. Olivia was my sounding board. Now, I was suddenly lacking the immediate second opinion I had in Olivia.Does this milk smell rotten?I would have to ask myself. I couldn’t put it up to Olivia’s nose for confirmation anymore.Is this text weird?I used to walk out of my room to show her messages and get her opinion.
