Page 21 of Lucy Loves Him Not
Now I was forced to decide on my own because the cat didn’t have any advice. Or let’s be real, send my sisters a screenshot and hope they didn’t take forever to reply.
Here I was tonight, wishing I’d find Olivia sitting on my couch so I could ask her…
Do you think what I’m feeling after talking with Adam is a warning premonition or does he just make me nervous?
Should I be running for the hills or taking a few steadying breaths?
Am I jumping the gun or should I jump ship?
Is he hot or is it the stupid good hair and the infuriatingly sea-blue eyes behind them?
Stevie loudly meowed from Olivia’s room. Which was now the empty extra bedroom. I went to check on her to find she was playing with a toy in there.
Glancing around the room, I remembered Mom urging me over breakfast the other day to turn this into a guest bedroom. And Gracie chimed in, “Make it an art studio.”
Out the window, the sun rested low in the sky under streaks of burnt orange and plum purple, Gracie’s words ringing in my ears.Did I really need a studio?
I painted in my bedroom just fine. Would that be self-indulgent? There were real artists without studios. Who was I as a hobby painter to have a whole room set up?
But even as I tried to think logically, my fingers itched and a picture started forming in my mind. I went ahead and pulled my easel and favorite work chair into the room, just to try it out. I gathered all my art supplies.
Pushing the window completely open and turning onIf Anyone Fallsby Stevie Nicks, I started putting paint to canvas. Because it was an experiment. Because it was a coping mechanism. Because the time and room were mine and I wanted to.
I wasn’t sure what I was making at first, what that image in my mind was. Then as I went, I uncovered it stroke by stroke.
It was an empty room with an open window. On my easel it looked like more than that though, it looked like potential.
As I shaded, I realized I wasn’t feeling quite as jaded or frustrated as I thought. My life felt a lot like a blank canvas, like an empty room. Waiting to see what I did with it. What I made of it.
I translated the curtains billowing in the wind from life to paper and knew as steady as the pencil in my hand,I could make something beautiful.
Nine
Olivia
I miss your meal plans. I haven’t made a grocery shopping list in forever. Can you send me a screenshot of yours?
Me
How will that work? What if we’re not out of the same stuff?
Olivia
I just need it as like a makeshift outline.
ALSO what are you making for dinner next week?
Apparently being a consultant for the Sweet River City Department meant I have lots of meetings on my schedule and an inbox full of emails from Adam and other employees—but mostly Adam cc’ing me oneverything.
Adam immediately took advantage of my new employment status to win brownie points with old donors and vendors whohad been hesitant after being reached out to by someone without the last name Rhodes. Which led to a lot of group calls where I assured people I would still be there to hold their hand. I admitted to lots of them that I needed them there to hold my hand, too. I had spent my whole life with Grandma running the show, I’d only been doing this without her for a few years. Adam was on the calls, too, quietly listening in.
Many of these phone calls were done while lounging in my pajamas with a big mug of coffee at my kitchen table and a cat bumping against my legs. I couldn’t see Adam during those calls, but I imagined him sitting there in his office with his tie tied tight, judging my unprofessional dialogue. Rolling his eyes every time I promised hugs to old friends or told them I loved them before we hung up.
I had gotten used to emails and phone calls. Keeping everything virtual put my anxiety about working with him at a nice low hum I could ignore in the background like radio static.
It felt different the morning of our firstin-personmeeting as coworkers. I was jittery and dreading it, promising myself I would be professional and play nice. I drug my feet from my house to City Hall.
The June sun outside was tentatively bright like it was warming up for July. Clouds peppered the blue sky. It made the air-conditioned office air joltingly cold as I walked through the office doors.
