Page 35 of Lucy Loves Him Not
He shot me a sideways grin as we kept walking. “Lucy, Lucy,” he said like I was something he was puzzling.
“Yeah?” I asked, my arm brushing against his.
He opened his mouth to answer me. But then, his phone rang and we both woke up.
He stepped aside to answer the call, so I threw my ice cream cup away and tried to remind myself that Adam and I already had a sensitive dynamic between us. Whatever was happening right now with me bumping into his shoulder and looking at his forearms was dangerous and dumb.
This was not some giddy first date.
I didn’t trust Adam, right?I reminded myself. My defenses should be up at all times.
I couldn’t even blame any cocktails this time.
He walked back over to me. His hand grazed the back of my arm casually, comfortably, as he asked, “You ready to head back?”
I only nodded, dizzy and confused, like I’d been walking around in a dream and was trying to shake myself awake.
Our conversations were easy in a way that loosened me up. Our back and forth was confoundingly smooth as I tried to cling to the fact that I’d already made up my mind about him. Like the chemistry between us was rushing water I couldn’t grab hold of, couldn’t reign in. It slipped right out of my hands. It had an agenda of its own.
I still tried to hold it back, though. I tried to resist the flowing conversation and whatever I was feeling the whole drive home.
Adam didn’t seem to try at all.
Icouldn’t sleep that night. I tossed and turned, analyzing every word and touch.
“I fought with this guy the moment we first met,” I said to Stevie, who was also not sleeping. She was chasing a little mouse toy around my bedroom floor.
I kicked off my blankets. “He’s the guy who saw everything I did wrong with the festival. He’s the guy who wanted to brush me off from the start.”
I sat up in my bed. Stevie perked her head up at me. “I am completely overthinking this, aren’t I?”
Stevie leaped after her mouse again, ignoring me.
It was nothing,I thought.Yesterday meant nothing.The night he let me into the office meant nothing.I was makingmountains out of molehills. I hadn’t dated in years, so I was taking some new friendly banter the wrong way.
I’m reading more into every detail because I’ve been starved of flirtation for years,I thought bitterly.
Adam was probably sleeping fine. He would raise his eyebrows in that judgmental way of his if he knew I was panicking over our interactions yesterday.
“How’re you doing?” he asked me in the car when I went quiet on the drive home from the festival.
“Just tired,” I said, watching the grassy green fields out the window.
“Ah, did the sun take it out of you?” he asked, his voice casual. “Sugar crash from the ice cream?”
“Total sugar crash,” I said, resting the back of my head against the seat. I closed my eyes like I was going to take a nap or something, anything to halt our conversation.
I could hear him rustle from his driver’s seat. I peeked through my squinted eyelids and realized he was checking on me. His eyes on me were concerned, caring even.
And the kindness of that felt dangerous and confusing.
Now I was in my kitchen in the middle of the night, pouring myself a glass of water and trying to sort out my feelings. Hoping if I figured them out, I could reason myself out of them.
Adam is just not what I thought at first and it’s confused me a little,I decided.And maybe in an alternate reality…
No.
I wouldn’t let myself finish that thought.
