Page 50 of Lucy Loves Him Not
“A summer pasta salad.” Stevie rubbed against my ankles.
“I’m having grilled cheese with a can of tomato soup,” he said, which made me start laughing. “What?” he asked, laughing at my outburst.
“Sorry, I’m laughing because we went to Olivia’s house the other night and all she had was grilled cheese ingredients. Come to find out she keeps making grilled cheese for dinner to figure out the best recipe.” I bent down to pet Stevie.
“What cheese did she determine to be the best? Because I have thoughts on this,” Adam said excitedly.
“Oh, I’m sure you do.” I giggled.
And the rest of the evening went like that. We just kept talking. We ate our dinners together over the phone.
I didn’t turn onYou’ve Got Mail. I did turn it to FaceTime when he wanted to see Stevie. When we hung up the phone hours later, I’d lost track of time. I just knew it had been dark for hours and I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Eighteen
Olivia
did you know that Victor Hernandez has a super cute puppy?
Me
no, I didn’t know that.
how do you know that?
Olivia
he brought him over today! His name is Winston!
Me
he’s at your house?
Olivia
yes, he’s helping me work on things around the house. The dog is just flopped out on the grass sunbathing.
Right about now, with any other guy in Adam’s position, I would’ve ghosted them. It would be so easy to stop replying. To duck and run when I saw him in the coffee shop. So much easier to let the feelings die of thirst than to try and make sense of them, or even scarier, listen to what they were trying to tell me.
Adam was aperfectcandidate for ghosting, honestly. I’d laid out the facts: we argued the first time we met in person, I bad-mouthed him to his own assistant, he’d gotten under my skin with our back and forth, and he literally wanted to cut art students from their summer festival all Scrooge-like. Any other guy I’d take the feelings and toss them in the bin.
But Adam wasn’t any other guy. And underneath all the facts and logic, a current running under our relationship was a natural, mutual understanding unfolding between us. He made me feel understood in a way no one else ever had. As I was getting to know him, it was like my heart whispered,Oh, I know this guy. I get him.
Maybe it was why talking, even when snippy, was so easy.
Maybe it was why we could get under each other’s skin the way we did. It was too easy for us.
Maybe it was why I wanted to touch him every time we were in the same vicinity.
My heart was kicking its door open for a man who had put my defenses up right away. Made me ignore the facts.
How could I dismiss my own fears, my own instincts?I asked myself. Like I was that little girl again wanting to protect her family, and herself, from any man who would make us question ourselves, make us cry, or hurt us. My facts and fears had often felt like my only defense when men could one day kiss you on the cheek and tell you they love you and walk out the door forever the next. I’d clung to them like a guest list at the entry ofmy heart since I was a kid. I’d kept people out for far less than Adam.
And yet.
We were walking out of a meeting to the sidewalk outside City Hall when Adam stopped walking and tugged on my wrist, bringing me to a halt. I had been able to retain some distance, though his friendly banter was so warm it had started to thaw my cool demeanor.
