Page 18 of One Little Chance
“Nothing she loved more than her grandkids,” I said.
“She was our biggest cheerleader one minute then picking on us the next,” Jenna said quietly, still not looking at me.
It was awkward timing for me to show up, but also, the most necessary timing. While his sisters weren’t making eye contact, Jordan kept looking at me like a life raft.
“I’m so sorry, you guys,” I said, trying to keep the trembling out of my voice.
“Thanks, Sophia,” Cody and Carson said in unison. Sarah nodded at me.
“Thanks,” Jenna said. I reached out to her and gave her hand a small squeeze.
I wasn’t here for me, or my past, or my feelings. I was here to help, so I got swept up into the rhythm of the home. I made tea, stored the casseroles dropped at the door, hugged hunched shoulders and listened to tearful voices, helped start a fire in the fireplace, and washed dishes.
The day was winding to a close, everyone sitting around the living room with a fire crackling in the hearth, family and close friends slowly taking leave. I knew my turn to head out the door was ticking closer.
“What about you, Sophie?” Jordan asked. The family had been sharing funny quirks they loved about Nana Silk.
Everyone’s eyes landed expectantly on me. I knew immediately my favorite quirk.
“Her locket,” I said, mindlessly touching my own bare neck. “She wore that gold locket with Herb’s picture in it every single day since I was a little girl. She’d even let me wear it sometimes.” I remembered looking in the mirror when she did and how she’d say I looked so beautiful and grown up.
“She never took it off,” Sarah mused.
I was nestled in beside Jordan, close as we could be without blurring the lines. He reached his warm hand toward mine and lightly rubbed the thin skin of my knuckles with his rough fingertips. My whole body flooded with warmth. I lifted my eyes to him, but he was looking at the fire, thinking.
It was my turn to go, but I didn’t want to leave.
In the days between my visit and the funeral, I’d gone back to work, but Jordan and I had taken to text messages and phone calls. As if this had somehow built back a bridge of our old relationship, even if now as old friends.
I wore a snug knit black midi dress, black pumps, and my hair loose around my shoulders the day of the funeral. I knew Iwasn’t a girlfriend, not even his most recent ex, so I’d found a pew in the back as I waited for my mom to arrive. I was going to respectfully hang back.
But, Jordan, who’d been standing at the front of the church, noticed me and walked right over. His big quarterback body was framed in a dark suit.
“Ma’am, why are you way back here?” he said, his voice low, just for us.
“I’m waiting for my mom,” I offered, feebly.
“Is Orlando coming?” I knew him, he wanted to confirm she wouldn’t be left alone if he whisked me away.
I nodded.
He looped his hand with mine and pulled me from my seat. We laced our fingers together as he led me to his family’s row. His rough fingers and warm palm felt as right as they ever did.
Jordan’s hand stayed in mine through the entire service, the receiving line, and then back home for the reception at his aunt’s house. Holding on tight like somehow my touch was a remedy.
Lines could be blurry.I didn’t care and held his hand right back.
When the day came to an end, we were standing outside his aunt’s house beside my car on the country road, tall pecan trees blowing in the wind, gravel road underfoot. My back was against the car door, his two arms resting on the roof of the car over my head. My face was basically in his chest. I took a deep breath of his spicy, piney scent.
“Thank you for being here. You didn’t have to be. I didn’t even ask. You…showed up. Both times,” he said.
“I wanted to be here,” I said soft as a touch.
“How is it, Sophie, no matter the situation, the problem…you’re always the fix?” he asked, his southern accent rough against the words.
“It’s not me,” I said because it wasn’t—it wasus. Together,wewere the fix. But this wasn’t the time to say that to him. I wasn’t even sure there was a right time to tell him about the confusing things I felt.
“For me, you always are.” He brought his forehead against mine, and my whole body felt warm, dizzy. I closed my eyes. “I couldn’t have made it today without you.”
