Page 32 of On Everything
Pernelle and I rode the bus back to the projects alone because Emoney pretended to have something so important to do when her and Elijah left Watson.
Pernelle rode with her air pods in her ear, watching that Love Island show that she was so into. I wasn’t big on reality television. Never have been. It was just something about their version of reality that didn’t resonate with me. Everyone on a beach, kissing on each other is crazy to a girl like me who’s only kissed one person before. I didn’t even kiss Ant on our nightcap. My coochie got a kiss from him. but I sure as hell didn’t.
Seeing Hov getting out of the car with Jas, Crew’s sister, earlier made me have that jealous feeling I did not miss at all. Why I felt that way about a man that isn’t even officially mine is crazy. I’m wildin for that shit. I’m still a married woman, and Kairo should be the only person on earth that could have me feeling that way, even if I’m hoping to get completely over his ass too.
This nigga is going to live a long time.
I said to myself, seeing my phone ringing in silent mode with an incoming call from the jail. I hadn’t answered his ass since the first day, but that hadn’t stopped him from calling. Iwas so irritated right now from this long bus ride in this traffic, to Hov getting out the car with one of his many hoes, that I clicked accept on the call just to curse someone out right now.
After accepting the charges, the phone went silent before a whole bunch of background noise started. That was the worst thing about talking to Kairo in jail. The immature ass niggas in the background keeping up more noise than children on a fucking playground.
“Hello, hello? Ciara?”
I held my words for a moment. Hearing his voice brought up so many feelings inside of me that I shouldn’t feel. The familiarity of it kept me answering his calls back in the day. The way our conversation flowed smoothly when we would talk over the phone. Our trauma bond started here in this same position. Him being locked up and me needing to be needed and loved by him.
“What is it that you want, Kairo?”
I finally spoke.
“What do you mean what I want, Ciara? I want you. I need you, I only want to exist to be with you.”
“And Jessica, the stripper who you stepped out with. The reason you’re a murderer now.”
I talked softly so others wouldn’t hear my conversation. Pernelle was so deep into her phone that I don’t think she even noticed that I am on mine.
“Baby, I know what I did with her is a mistake, and God is finally showing me that lying to you will never end me up in a good place. When I finish this bid, I’m going to be everything you need for the rest of our lives. All for you, baby. On everything.”
He made me roll my eyes.
“Kairo, I’ve heard that shit a million times, and I’m not trying to hear it any longer. You fucked over me for the last time and my trust for you or the next nigga is gone!”
“Fuck you mean for the next nigga? There won’t be a next nigga. You are my wife.”
His tone quickly changed. His ass was no longer begging now.
“You heard what I said, Kairo. I won’t trust the next nigga, but I damn sure will have one. I already fucked a nigga the other night anyway.”
Though hurtful to him, the words flowed smoothly off my lips.
“What the fuck you just say!”
“Yeah, nigga, I fucked a nigga in our bed the other night.” I sat up in the seat, feeling myself as I hyped up my experience with Ant.
“Bitch, are you losing your mind?”
“Just like you lost me. The man I’m fucking with now got my entire place remodeled. I’m about to be living good while you’re enjoying that tiny ass shoebox because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants!”
Unable to control my voice and my anger, Pernelle was now the only person near me unaware that I’d just read Kairo’s ass for filth. Every eye on the bus was on me. I didn’t want that to happen, but I couldn’t help myself. He needed to get this work from me right now. Fuck it.
“Bitch, I will kill you. Wait until I get out of here. You going to regret telling me some bullshit like that.”
I hung up the phone in his face. His threats didn’t mean shit to me with where he is. He is no more dangerous to me than a caged lion is at a zoo. I hope he tosses and turns all night in that fuckin cot.
I was off the phone for a good five minutes when Pernelle finally turned over her shoulder towards me and took out one of her AirPods.
“Girl, why I think I want me a white man like Nic?”
“At this point, friend, I don’t know what you want.”
