Page 60 of On Everything
He held me tight like I am a three year old little girl and I liked the feeling of being protected. He made me feel like I could take on the world and the world would lose being next to him. That’s how powerful Hov’s aura is.
His jawline showed strength, his arms, and hands were both strong and powerful and I even noticed a few scars on his knuckles, probably from making his power known to others. With the way his feet planted heavily after every step and he held his chin in the air, you could just tell his confidence couldn’t be fucked with. There was just something else going on with him too. It was like he had more than one thing running through his mind right now.
We took off in his car from the curb, instantly caught in traffic on Fulton Street. Hov’s silence confirmed that unsettled look in his eyes of something running through his mind, but I let him have his silence for now. I didn’t want to pry or make it seem like I knew how it is to have his issues because I don’t. Being in the streets comes with a termination letter that you don’t get to live through most times. Either you end up in prison like Kairo, dead and six feet deep or crumbled up inside of a vase. So, I’m sure his work was stressful to him and that made me wonder how Hov relaxes. What does he do to take the edge off at times when he feels overwhelmed.
“Can I ask you something?”
He turned down the music to hear me better.
“Yeah?”
“What do you do for fun?”
“What I do for fun? Make money.”
“Making money is not fun, Hov. It’s stressful and it keeps you from having actual fun with the money that you make. What would Hov do if he had all the money in the world and extra time to just do him.”
He flashed his pretty ass smile.
“Fun to me might be seeing the world, the pyramids and shit, all the wonders of the world.”
“So, you’re a history buff?”
“I wouldn’t say that. I feel like the pyramids and everything that has been here since the beginning of time holds power. Those places and things survived hundreds of years, some millions, and that’s the type of resilience I want to inherit in my visit. I want a big ass statue of me up in the center of New York once the aliens take over.”
“Aliens? You really believe in them?”
“Hell yeah. All this universe and you think we the only muthafuckas here? Shit go to 3rdAve, and I bet you see four or five aliens out that bitch right now.”
The laugh snuck out of my mouth, and I belted out holding my stomach. It was so funny because he wasn’t lying and me being drunk doesn’t help.
“You’re silly. Well, do you believe in God?”
“Sometimes.”
He cleared his throat.
“Why just sometimes?”
“Because it’s hard for me to believe all the time when I’ve seen so much fucked up shit. Believing in the devil is a lot easier where I come from.”
My stomach dropped because there was a time Kairo came home from jail talking crazy about not believing in a higher power and how we are all just figments of each other’s imagination. He didn’t start believing in God again until he prayed before a court hearing once and then the charges got dismissed. God was so real to him then, but his actions still rubbed me the wrong way. I may not go to church all the time, but God is very real to me and that matters when picking a partner.
“So, you’re an atheist?”
“Nah, I believe in God. I just feel like sometimes I don’t see him as much as other people. Like where is he at when niggas who are close to me are getting shot, or when people I love are snaking me.”
“I get that, but that’s why we all have to have faith right. Faith is an existence that is not seen physically. That’s why it’s called faith”
He looked over at me and shook his head.
“I guess you right about that and I’m sure I’ll find my faith again one day.”
“Good, I’m happy you haven’t lost hope completely. Try and look at God as the root of a plant. He may not show himself to the naked eye but underneath your soul he is nourishing you and trying to help you grow despite what is happening in your world.”
He nodded his head and then started to shake it as if I were really making a lot of sense to him. I’m glad, because my mind is not all there at the moment.
“See what I’m saying Ciara. You can be my homie, lover, and pastor. You drunk as hell and still wise.”
