Page 62 of On Everything
When I woke up on my couch, I was confused at how I got here and why the clock read 8:55 am. I sat up on the couch holding the side of my head as I tried to remember everything that happened yesterday. Of course, I remember brunch and leaving with Hov. It wasn’t until I started getting flash backs of Hov kissing me on the cheek before laying me on this couch that the day was starting to come back to me as a whole. I couldn’t help but be embarrassed by what I potentially did or said yesterday. I just prayed it wasn’t too embarrassing.
When I heard the toilet flush and the water in the sink start to run from the bathroom, I sat up quickly combing down my hair with my fingers. I guess I didn’t say anything too crazy since Hov is still here. I don’t remember us doing anything and I’m fully dressed so he must have been the perfect gentleman last night. That made me smile, but then I smelled the throw up on my breath and knew I needed to slide in the restroom right after Hov.
When the door cracked open, I stood to my feet and then fixed my dress at the bottom.
“Hey, Ho.”
I stopped speaking when I saw it was Kairo walking out of the restroom. Seeing Kairo used to give me butterflies in my damn stomach when he got out of jail. Now I just feel caterpillars.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“You saying that like you want me locked up.”
“Well the point is you were locked up. How did you get out of jail when you were a felon with a gun. That automatically revoked your probation.”
“The DA gave me a deal. I have to help them catch some bigger fish in the city and I’m free.”
“So, you’re an informant now. A rat?”
“Call it what you want but I wasn’t leaving you again. I’m ready to make this shit work and for real this time. Since I’m working with the feds to take down Hov, I won’t be able to focus on anyone you.”
“How the fuck are you going to take down the biggest gangsta in the city? You sound crazy.”
Kairo started to laugh.
“Well, the nigga upstairs named Ant works for him and fronts like he’s just a personal trainer or some shit. You know, the nigga my sister said you fucked the first day I went to jail.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah I know it was him. You couldn’t wait to give that nigga that pussy huh. His neighbor she cool with said you went into his spot and fucked him all night long as loud as you could. She caught all of it on her door cam.”
“Okay, Kairo, you can get the fuck out! I don’t have time for this bullshit!” I pointed to the door because what I wasn’t about to do, is play these games.
“No, because if Ant can't help me get to Hov for my freedom then you will.”
“How!”
“Honey also told me that you been seen having conversation with him around town. He probably wants some pussy too. I mean you do look good these days baby.”
“Whatever! I'm not helping you do shit! Fuck your freedom.”
“And fuck yours if you can't help me. Don't forget what I know!”
“What the fuck do you mean?”
“Don’t act like you forgot about that baby you threw in east river. I still have the video of you having him in that back alleyway near the high school. It’s not as clear as it was years ago, but we can still see that it is you.”
I instantly attacked him throwing punches because he felt the need to go below the belt with me. Kairo just brought up a secret we buried deep in our relationship a long time ago. I never liked to think of the trauma I felt having a child no one knew I was pregnant with on the walk home from school. I never went to a doctor back then, so I didn’t know when the baby I’d hidden below a very small bump would come. Only, it snuck up on me. I remember me and Kairo were sneaking away from school to go and lay up while his mama was at work. My water broke on the Bx-5 bus but because the floors were so filthy, no one around me noticed.
We were teenagers so we panicked, shuffling me around the city having contractions and afraid to go anywhere for help.
By the time I’d walked blocks with Kairo devising a plan on what to do, my body started to deliver the baby while I was walking. We ducked off to an alley on side of an abandoned building and the baby came out fairly quickly while Kairo recorded in fascination.
Only, when the baby was all the way out, we saw that his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, and he didn’t take one breath. He was so freaking handsome too. Just seeing his face in my head right now broke me as much as it did back then. He looked like Kairo except his face was slightly more round. I held him for hours that day on side of that building.
Kairo tried convincing me to put our baby inside the trash can, but I told him that I could never discard of him like he was common trash.
Instead, I made Kairo leave us to find a box to place him inside and once he left I spotted a fake bouquet of light blue flowers peeking out of the trash can as if they were left there just for my baby. I got up, got the flowers, took off my jacket and then wrapped him inside placing the flowers in the box once Kairo got back with it. We prayed over him. I allowed Kairo to take videos and pictures of me with the baby in that alley for memories if I ever wanted to have them. I never did though and tried to put that behind me thinking Kairo was doing the same. Fast forward to now, he hadn’t forgot and was keeping those videos to one day use as blackmail against me.
