Page 42 of A Winter Wedding Adventure
‘Is he the reason you choose your friends carefully now?’
‘That’s simplistic.’
‘But not untrue?’
Kira couldn’t bring herself to outright deny it, but she also couldn’t afford to dwell on the memories of that time – her gullible optimism, misplaced loyalty. The realisation that if even her best friend couldn’t love her, how could anyone?
‘What happened?’
There was no way she would admit the whole, sorry story – not at a damn wedding. ‘Relationships end – mine do, at least.’
‘But what do you mean by “relationships”? You don’t have relationships,’ he pointed out, far too insightful for Kira’s good.
She fidgeted, uncomfortable with how much she’d already shared with him. ‘I just meant Christian only wanted one thing from me and that seems to be the way it goes. I’ve always been one of the boys. I didn’t like to be indoors as a kid and I gravitated towards the boys, no matter how much my mum tried to steer me towards make-up and movies. Then Christian was the first one to discover his mate had boobs and might be good for a f?—’
‘All right, I get it,’ Mattia said with a grimace.
‘But I’m not going to change the way I am just so I’m not alone.’ She lifted her chin.
‘Of course you shouldn’t,’ he agreed hotly. ‘Especially when you’re…’
‘What? What am I?’ she asked with a snort. She’d spent adult life determined never to care what men thought of her, but here she was, desperate for his answer. Mattia broke her established rules just by breathing and she still wasn’t sure why she was sitting here allowing her skin to prickle, rather than running a mile.
‘So… vigorous.’ He gave his arms a shake for emphasis.
She drew back and eyed him. ‘Is that supposed to be a compliment?’
He dropped his forehead into his hand. ‘Of course! You are stronger than these bed friends of yours. You can do everything they can – better. They’re scared of you. Their egos won’t allow them to commit to you because their fragile masculinity needs reinforcement and you have more important things to do.’
Her jaw dropped and it took her several seconds to find her voice. Her knee-jerk reaction was to dismiss him, but what he said rang in her head, like the bell struck in the Christmas market during that first performance when he’d thawed the edges of her heart. He was building her up – possibly too far – not knocking her down. She hadn’t expected it.
‘Perhaps that might be part of the reason,’ she acknowledged. ‘But there’s also the fact that the only thing I can cook is beans on a single gas burner, I leave clothes all over the floor and while I know some guys like the climbing physique, it’s my face they’d have to love.’
‘And why wouldn’t they?’ he responded belligerently. ‘Did Christian make you think you aren’t beautiful?’
‘A mirror tells me every morning! Don’t try to convince me I’m pretty, Mattia. We both know that would be a load of shit and I’d rather respect you.’
He sucked in a breath through his nose, his sharp jaw working. His gaze dropped to her mouth and he swallowed, giving his head a little shake. ‘It’s a difficult choice.’ His voice was so deep and smooth, he could speak to her on another level – a deeply physical one, that distracted her from the task of puzzling out his convoluted meaning. ‘I do want your respect – quite a lot.’
His pained tone dug right under her skin. The way he pinned her to the spot with just a hot gaze. He should have been a stranger – a client. But even as she’d tried to clear her thoughts on the wall, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his hand clasping hers – and what it would be like to kiss him.
She could lean in just a little and her mouth would be on his. He’d kiss her back, those long fingers curling into her hair, holding her still as he slowed it down. But Kira had momentum and she could tackle him to the mats. She could touch him, work out whether he was made of flesh and blood or something non-corporeal, like his music.
Except, it wasn’t only her professional obligations that got in the way. Mattia was looking for his fairy soulmate and didn’t do casual. She wished he’d stop looking at her with such raw intensity if there was nowhere for the attraction to go.
‘Thanks for running up here naked to save me, but I’ll be fine. It was a long time ago. I’m not a starry-eyed teenager any more. I’ve learned not to let people get to me.’ She hoped that was true.
‘I suppose that is a real skill – another one I’ve certainly never mastered,’ he said, glancing away. ‘I always wondered if it’s about learning not to feel anything or simply learning not to show it.’
Kira scrambled to her feet, her rubber climbing shoes tripping her up in her hurry to get to the door and put some space between her and those confronting words. He fed off emotion, swam confidently through it, enjoying getting wet. Kira couldn’t swim and didn’t want to dip in more than her toe. Another reason getting closer to him would be a bad idea.
‘Hey,’ he began as he caught up to her in the hallway, ‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘I—’ Denying it would only prove his point. ‘We just bounce off each other strangely.’
Walking next to her down the narrow steps, his shoulder nudged hers over and over again. ‘I noticed that too. I like it.’
He would.
