Page 46 of A Winter Wedding Adventure
She blinked back the twinge of feelings she’d been pushing away since Mattia had found her at the bouldering wall that afternoon. She shouldn’t have kissed him to distract herself from the messy situation with old memories and present challenges. But he was a lovely distraction, her fallen angel.
‘Ginny, do you think men find me intimidating?’ she asked before she’d thought the question through.
‘Definitely,’ Ginny replied without even looking up from her screen. ‘I’m a little jealous. It must be so handy on a night out – no losers trying out their cheesy pick-up lines when you just want to drink and dance.’
Kira stared at her colleague – her friend? – uncomprehendingly. ‘You’re jealous? I thought you wanted a boyfriend.’
‘I do, but not a dude asking if I have a map because he got lost in my eyes,’ she said in a mock male voice, all while tapping at her keyboard and squinting at the screen.
‘Someone seriously said that to you?’
‘God, it happens all the time. Such losers.’
Kira chuckled. ‘I think your complaints about being single are a little feeble. Sounds like you have guys falling over themselves to go out with you.’
‘Oh, I go on dates, don’t you worry. But after two or three, they just never call, or they send me a polite text or something. You wouldn’t have to waste your time with those losers. Only brave ones approach you.’
Brave ones and… Mattia with his self-destructive tendencies and sensitive hearing for her weaknesses.
‘You have a point,’ Kira said, resisting a smile. ‘If the other option is two or three boring dates for nothing, I’d rather skip to the sex.’
Ginny’s response was a peal of laughter. ‘Is that your motto: “skip to the sex”? I like it. That way, I’d at least get something out of it.’
‘Do you mean you go on all of these dates without making it that far?’
‘More times than you’d think,’ she groaned. ‘They’re all so nice – until they’re not interested any more.’
Kira snorted. ‘Well, the only people brave enough to come near me only want sex, so I don’t think there’s hope for either of us.’ Except that Mattia had come close. And she needed to stop thinking about how he went against everything she understood about relationships – and about herself.
Ginny was quiet for long enough that curiosity dragged Kira up out of her brooding. The wedding planner was watching her.
‘Hope? For what? I didn’t think you wanted… all this: love, commitment.’
‘I don’t want this: a wedding with more manoeuvres than a military exercise. These gestures don’t mean anything anyway.’ Even that time when she thought she did want love and commitment, the wedding fanfare hadn’t featured.
‘But you do want to fall in love?’ There was a hint of I was right! in Ginny’s tone that made Kira uncomfortable.
‘I don’t know,’ Kira replied irritably. ‘Maybe it’s not always great being alone, but I can’t imagine someone…’
‘Was it a big shock for you when Andreas proposed to Sophie?’
Where had that come from?
‘Wait, don’t get prickly,’ Ginny back-pedalled. ‘I’m just annoyed Sophie’s out of the singles club too. I wasn’t insinuating anything else.’
Kira eyed her. ‘But you know?—’
‘I gather you have a history with Andreas, yes.’
‘A casual history. God knows I did not want anything more with him. Sophie’s got her work cut out for her.’
‘But they’re so wonderful together,’ Ginny said with a sigh. ‘Imagine pining for each other for eight years!’
‘It explains why he was a miserable git for eight years,’ Kira quipped. Flopping back against her pillow, she blew a strand of hair out of her eyes, noticing absently that the colour was fading back to the bleached dirty blonde under the blue. So many layers… Her throat tight, she continued before she could talk herself out of it. ‘But you’re right. Andreas was supposed to be like me. Relationships weren’t for us. Then Sophie comes in and everything changes. Now they’re getting married. I’ll be left with Laurie the cock-up, misanthropic Rhys, poor old Willard and the eternally grieving Toni.’
‘How horrible,’ Ginny said drily. ‘There’s still five of you. I’ve only got Reshma left – and she’s the big boss. Our admin support, Tita, is happily married and now Sophie… All of my friends are loved up. Just not me.’
Listening to Ginny, she couldn’t help thinking it was infinitely better to not want love, especially since Kira wasn’t certain she was still capable of it anyway, she’d spent so long denying the emotion existed.
