Page 64 of The Vampire's Receptionist
Kian shook his head, but wouldn’t look at him. Not until Dorian tried to reach for him with his other hand and hissed as pain shot up his side. Kian’s head jerked up, and he hovered anxiously, his tear filled eyes full of worry.
“What is it? Are you in pain? Do you want me to call a nurse?”
Dorian shook his head, breathing through the pain until it subsided to a tolerable level. Resting his head against the pillows, he drew in a slow, deep breath, grimacing a little when his ribs protested.
“You’re in pain. I’m going to get a nurse. Just give me–”
Dorian’s hand tightened on Kian’s to keep him close. It occurred to him that Kian might not be able to see him as wellas Dorian could, so he might not have seen the head shake from before.
“I’m alright. I want to know why you’re so upset. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Kian hesitated, and Dorian could see the war in his eyes, the desire to flee like he had the last time Dorian tried to push for him to talk about his feelings. He tried to harden his heart against the incoming rejection, but he still ached to fix whatever it was that was bothering his lover. No amount of mental coaching seemed to touch that.
Kian’s fingers curled against his chest, and he sat again, his body slumped in defeat. “This is all my fault. If I hadn’t made you leave–”
Since he couldn’t move his left arm without pain, he released Kian’s hand, sliding it up his arm until he could cup the man’s cheek. “I don’t blame you, Kian. Accidents happen. Maybe if I had been paying attention instead of relying on the autopilot, I could have avoided it. But none of it was your fault. You didn’t wish to talk after the feeding, and I have to respect your boundaries.”
“No!” Kian cried, his face crumpled with pain and regret. “I was being an asshole. I…” He let out a noise that sounded like a cross between a whimper and a groan. “I’ve got issues when it comes to relationships. Things were becoming too intense, and I panicked. I never should’ve pushed you away.”
Dorian didn’t dare to hope that Kian was changing his mind. He felt obligated to explain because Dorian was hurt. That didn’t mean his stance on relationships had changed.
Stroking his thumb over Kian’s cheek, Dorian murmured, “Can I ask what kind of issues?”
That look crossed Kian’s face again, like he’d rather do anything else but speak about his feelings. But just like before,he pushed past the discomfort and lifted his chin, his expression a mask of determination hiding the underlying pain.
“I’ve only ever had one true relationship. I’ve never been quick to get wrapped up in my feelings, I’m not a big romantic, but after struggling for so long with being an outcast, when someone finally started giving me the attention I craved, I decided to give a relationship a chance. I was… lonely. Desperate for someone to want me. I ignored so many red flags, because at least he wanted me where no one else ever did.”
Hearing the regret in Kian’s voice made Dorian’s stomach churn. He almost didn’t want to hear the rest.
“I trusted him too much. Gave him too much power over me. So when he told me to meet him one night way past when normal people go out, I went along. I wasn’t happy about it. I was exhausted after a long day, and I wanted to go to sleep. But I was ‘in love.’” He rolled his eyes at the thought. “Or I thought I was. It was an unhealthy infatuation, because he knew exactly how to string me along. I let that obsession with him block out all my instincts that told me to turn around and portal away when I arrived at the location he sent me. Even from the outside, I could tell it wasn’t a good place. It wasn’t safe. But I trusted him like only a fool in love could, and I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.”
“Where did he bring you?”
Kian’s face turned away and he glared at the wall instead. “An auction house. For sex trafficking.”
Horror dumped into Dorian’s veins. “Tell me he didn’t–”
Kian dropped his gaze, admitting, “He did. He saw me as a toy, and when he grew tired of me, he decided he wanted to get paid to share his toy with others. My magic isn’t as strong as a full fae. I didn’t stand a chance.” He huffed out a watery laugh, shaking his head. “It took my family two years to find me. The man I ‘loved’ was smart, kept me under near constantenthrallment and used spells and potions to hide my magical signature. They only found me because my cousin, the one who introduced me to that asshole, was bragging about getting a cut of the profits, and my mom overheard him. She nearly killed him getting the information out of him, and the only reason he lived was because my uncle offered a vow to get me home if my parents kept their son alive. While my cousin was with a healer, my uncle went through everything my cousin owned to find any scrap of information about me. He followed the trail to my ex, then held him over the edge of a rocky ravine until he gave up my location.”
“Is he still living?” Dorian hissed.
Kian locked eyes with Dorian, his face almost terrifyingly calm when he said, “No, he’s not. I killed him myself once I was healed enough to do so. I sent him a message making him think I was crawling back to him, then removed his head from his body.” He rolled his eyes. “Fae have always had a problem with relying too heavily on their magic. They don’t want to dirty their hands by picking up a sword. I had no such issue. He never saw it coming. I only wish I was strong enough to drag it out.”
Dorian could understand that. He felt the death was too quick as well. If he’d been there, he would have made it last for weeks. But Kian was hurt and probably traumatized, and his magic still wasn’t strong enough to face his ex alone. Any attempts to drag things out would have put him at risk for being enthralled or taken again. He did what was right to keep himself safe.
He understood better Kian’s refusal to even consider relationships. The one time he gave in to the idea, he’d been betrayed so badly, Dorian was surprised he was able to come back from it such a strong and caring person. Kian went out of his way to help others, putting himself at risk to make sure they were safe and healthy. Not many people could be hurt the wayhe had been and grow stronger because of it. If he chose to never have a relationship again, he was allowed to do so. It would be wrong of Dorian to insist otherwise. It would be wrong of him to even ask him to consider it. Kian had been through enough. No one should get to demand anything from him anymore.
It hurt his heart to realize he would never get to have that kind of connection with Kian, but he knew deep down letting him go was the right thing to do. He’d speak with Doctor Chapman, maybe ask to switch to IV feedings. They weren’t pleasant, but it would get Dorian the blood he needed without forcing Kian to stay by his side.
“I’m sorry that happened to you, Kian,” he murmured, because what else do you say in situations like this?
Kian sighed. “It was a long time ago. I never thought–”
He was cut off by the door opening and light flooding the room. It made Dorian flinch, and he released Kian to block his eyes for a moment so they could adjust.
“Oh, shit, my bad,” Taron said, shutting the door again and plunging them all back into darkness. “I would’ve been here sooner but…” He trailed off and when Dorian could finally look at him, his nose was wrinkled and he looked a bit sheepish.
“I don’t want to know,” Dorian replied quickly. He didn't want to give Taron the opening to discuss his love life. There were things he didn’t need to know about his friends and their mates.
