Page 117 of September
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Okay,” her mom said, sounding confused.
“I wanted to talk to you. Do you have a few minutes?”
“Of course,” her mom replied.
“I don’t really know where to start.”
“Gwen, what’s wrong?”
“Honestly? Not much, Mom. Things are going really well for me.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is. But, sometimes, it’s hard for me to feel like it’s a good thing.”
“Why?”
“Because you, Dad, and everyone else there think I’m missing something; like I have a broken part or something. I’m not sure what that is, but I’ve always been the black sheep, and it’s hard to see anything I do as good when I’m thinking about what you and Dad would think or how Archie, Annabelle, and Grant are amazing, and I’m just me.”
“You’re not just you,” her mom said.
“Mom, you hate what I do for a living. You think I lack ambition; that I’m not taking steps for my future.”
“That’s true, but not how you probably think.”
“Well, how doyouthink?”
“I think that when you came out of me, you screamed bloody murder.” Her mom laughed. “Archie and Annabelle cried, but not nearly as loudly, and your little brother didn’t cry for the first minute, so they worried he wouldn’t make it at first, but when he finally did, it still wasn’t as loud as you. I knew then that you’d be my challenging child.”
“Jesus, Mom. I was, like, thirty seconds old.”
“I don’t mean it like that. And I didn’t hold it over you, Gwendolyn. You were a baby. I’m merely saying that I knew you’d be the obstinate kid from that moment. For a while, you tried to be like Annabelle, but that didn’t last long. You went your own way. Your father and I respected that.”
“You did? That’s news to me,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Gwen, it was hard. We… didn’t exactly plan on you, honey. Your father and I thought we were done having kids, and whenyou came along, we had two active six-year-olds who, quite frankly, took a lot of our time and energy. You’ve always seemed fine on your own, though, so we left you that way, for better or worse.”
“But you had Grant after me.”
“Your father didn’t want to get a vasectomy, and for a few months there, I was sick, and the doctor advised me to go off birth control because it interacted with whatever they had me on. Your brother wasn’t planned, either, and your father and I had a long talk after I found out I was pregnant again.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“There are things you don’t tell your children until they are older, Gwen. And sometimes, not at all. Your brother was, for all intents and purposes, an accident, but he’s my child, and I regret nothing.”
“But Grant fell in line, and I never did?”
“I don’t care what line you fall into,” her mom replied. “Or onto.” She sighed. “Gwen, the way you’re happy doesn’t make sense to your father and I, so we push you because we don’t understand it, but before you say anything, it’s not the gay thing. I don’t care that you’re a lesbian. I want you to find love, and if that’s with a woman, great. Our family, we’re born to great privilege, and we have opinions on what to do with that privilege.”
“But I don’t want that,” she said. “I’m grateful for everything you and Dad gave me, and I know how lucky I was, but just because you want some things for me, doesn’t mean I want them for myself.”
“I know, honey. It’s just hard to think of your child out there with nothing when you have everything and can give that to them.”
Gwen laughed and replied, “But, Mom, Idohave everything.” She sighed and noticed just how much that soundedlike her mother’s sigh a minute earlier. “Mom, I have an apartment that I like. It’s not a mansion, but it’s just for me, and it’s great. I have a pet. He’s a little weird, and I’m not sure he likes me all that much, but he’s a lizard, so that’s normal. I get to spend most of my days with animals. I get to meet people all the time through my job, and I make new friends that way, but I have Elisa here now, and I’ve met so many new friends through her, too. I spent time with one of them today, and she’s going to help me get my business up and running. She’s doing the work for free just because we’re friends.”
