Page 29 of Semi Sweet
Why did I keep playing? Wasn't last night enough of a sweet memory to hold me over? I knew I was lying to myself. As strange as it was, the cupcake thing was something I actually had control over in my otherwise depressing life.
Chapter Fifteen: Off Kilter Again
Evancamebackafew nights later. I’d spent the rest of our time apart binging all the things he wasn't crazy about. I watched an entire season of a Japanese soap opera and was getting to the point where I didn't need the subtitles for certain words. I wrote my heart out, adding almost ten thousand words to a fantasy romance I hadn't been motivated to touch in a while. It almost felt like a crime to not be able to continue it with as much gusto once my fiancé returned. I also checked my email and the mail every day to see if I was going to be leaving Cash Value Market someday soon. Still no word from the internship.
I was keeping busy because when I wasn't, my mind fought me over what to do about my rendezvous in the bus stop shelter. Luckily, the marks on my neck and shoulder had all but faded and a little bit of concealer made them vanish completely. It was everything else that I wasn't sure how to deal with.
The truth would mess things up at the store big time, so I thought about bending it. It worked for other things, I supposed.I had a group project for one of my classes, we met at a coffee shop, and at the end of the night it was just me and one of my group mates. Imagine my surprise when he kissed me….I never talked about school and we rarely had group projects, not to mention it was more than just a simple kiss. Then I would end up at my third option–never tell him. Let the secret die with me. But that didn't really help the situation, either.
I waffled like this until he texted me to say he was on the ground and on his way home.
Finally, I decided on a fourth option. I would try my damndest to love the man I was engaged to. Not just tolerate him or survive, but try to give my heart to this version of Evan Quittero. Maybe I'd forget that someone else made me feel all the things I'd never known how to feel before. Maybe Evan could provide them if I could make him understand.
The Denver Airport was about half an hour from our town house, not including traffic. I put on a nice outfit and decided I had time to cook something for dinner. I was able to cook for survival, where Evan didn't cook at all, but I figured there was no time to try something new like right this very moment. I settled on comfort food because Evan was too Italian for anything in that category to ever be good enough.
"I'm home!" he called, and I could hear the door slam in our entryway.
"I'm in the kitchen!"
"Are you cooking?" He sounded confused as he entered the room.
Despite five days of travel, he still wore a suit, his face without any stubble. His carry-on was still over his shoulder as he took in the steaming pots and foreign smells.
"I thought it would be nice since you've been gone," I explained. I walked over to him and threw my arms around his neck. "I'm making barbecue chicken, macaroni and cheese, cornbread, and I'm going to mix up a salad."
Evan made a face, like the thought of that was revolting. "You do know I was just in Nashville for five days, right?"
I tried to hide my disappointment that this already wasn't going according to plan. "No, no one ever gives me details about these business trips."
I was surprised when Evan looked empathetic. "Sorry, I guess I figure that because you are not involved in family affairs yet, you don't need to be bothered with the details." He kissed my hair. "We had barbeque practically every night." He released me and headed towards a drawer holding a folder of takeout menus. "I tell you what, finish making it and it can be our lunch for the rest of the week.”
Patience,I told myself.He is at least going to eat it.And I chose not to get overly involved in the family business unless absolutely necessary, so he was correct in not bothering me.Embrace who he is.
Evan had dialed his favorite Thai food place and didn't even tell them what he wanted. All he had to say was "This is Evan Quittero with an order for delivery," and he was done. That was how often we had takeout in this apartment.
"How was the trip?" I attempted.
Evan was off the phone, taking off his suit jacket and hanging it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs. "Informative. We found a lot of strategies that might make us even more successful." He reached for a glass. Even after being away from the office for five days, he was still looking for his bourbon. Once more I had to hold in my sigh.
You love Evan. Show him you love him."So, um, I haven't seen you in five days," I began.
Evan continued to pour without looking at me. "Yeah…."
"Well, we've got some time till the delivery person comes. You want to do it?"
"Do what?"
I was really good with the written word, but expressing myself out loud was a different matter. "You know, have sex?"
Evan finally looked up at me with a furrowed brow. "Are you feeling okay?"
Maybe this whole trying my damndest thing was going to be harder than I thought.
***
My next shift at work, I continued the mantra that I loved Evan and that nothing would break me of that. Russel was mean to me and I killed him with kindness. The girl covering my break rolled her eyes at me and I let it roll off me. Bruce called me Princess Q every time I called him on the phone and I laughed along with him. I would not let them bring me down.
It wasn't until I did my usual post work studying ritual that my mindset was tested. There was a bakery box on the paid shelf. As I put my things in my booth, I told myself it could have been for anyone, but sure enough, I caught Beth's eye and she began to do a happy dance.
