Page 34 of Semi Sweet
“How long were you back there?”
“Long enough to recognize your handwriting. And see your diploma, though a customer spilled those beans.” I quickly explained how the lotto lady had mentioned his connection to her nephew and that had all but confirmed my suspicions.
“I can’t believe you didn’t figure it out before,” Sean admitted. “I slipped up so many times. Max was a terrible secret keeper. Plus, I actually handed you a cupcake once.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean, slipped up?”
“I mentioned my dog in one of the poems and then talked about him when those girls were giving me a hard time about going to the party. And I’m pretty sure you caught me looking at you a couple times.”
I did remember that, but people looked at me all the time. Out of pity or spite, it didn’t matter. I was pretty sure he’d witnessed some of my reactions to what I received. It made me finally ask the question brewing in me for months.
“Why?”
Sean looked at me incredulously. “Seriously, Olivia?
It was the first time since meeting up with him that I remembered my hopeless situation at Cash Value Market.
“No, I need a good answer because I know you are extremely aware of how people feel about me at work. No one likes me or takes me seriously.”
“I’m twenty-seven years old,” Sean said. “I’m able to make my own opinions of people. I think I’m a pretty good judge of character. It’s gotten me this far.” When I dropped my eyes to the table and finally took a bite of my pie, he continued, “I thought I made it pretty clear that I like you.”
“May I ask what I did to deserve that?” I realized it might have come out sounding like I was unhappy about his feelings. “I mean I don’t think I’m anything special, not that I think you liking me is bad.”
“I’ve lived here for almost three months. People are either intimidated by me or don’t take me seriously. Which I am sure you can relate to. Olivia, you were kind and welcoming to me.” I noticed his cheeks go pink. “It also helps that you are pretty and really fascinating.”
“Oh Sean, you don’t mean–”
He cut me short. “Olivia, do you know what gaslighting is?”
I stared at him. “Of course I do.”
“Well maybe it’s happened to you for so long that you're not even aware anymore. I see how people treat you at work. You don’t have to deal with that.” He sipped his coffee before adding, “Don’t even get me started on Evan.”
I was grateful we were in the quieter, more private area of the cafe because with how things were going, I wasn’t sure if I was going to get angry or upset. “I know you probably think you know, but you have no idea what is going on in my life.”
“I want to know,” Sean replied. “If you tell me, I’ll listen.”
I started at the beginning, telling him about how I was the second of three daughters and how I’d lived in Denver my whole life. I was the girl that had big dreams and tried my hardest. I told Sean about how I started working at Cash Value Market at sixteen and how I’d met Evan shortly after. I described a different person than he was today–a boy full of hope that rode his longboard around the city. I spilled my guts about how I’d never been with anyone else, that Evan was the only man I ever loved, and how I was convinced that he was my future. I even confessed that I didn’t know if I loved him anymore and I didn’t know when that disconnect had truly begun.
“The Quitteros have been the same for years. I was just young and distracted at the time,” I explained. “They still thought they were better than everyone. They still gifted Evan with everything, but I was excited to be along for the ride. My father knew I would never fit in with them. I wasn’t ready to believe him..”
I described how I had defied my father and how shortly after, Evan got his corporate job and became the version I was attached to today. I even explained how he went through my mail and squashed my dreams on the daily. I had done it with a shaking voice and by biting my lip a few times, but I’d gotten it all out.
“If Evan makes you feel that way, why would you agree to marry him?”
I should have expected this question. I held my mug, still warm in between my hands, and tried to think of a strong, proud answer. Instead, my eyes got glassy and I was only able to glance up at him quickly before I gave myself away.
“Because I’m trapped, Sean. Leaving Evan would make me jobless and homeless. He knows it, too.”
“So if he were to hit you or do something terrible, you’d still stay?” He sounded frustrated, not necessarily at me, but like he was trying to understand the situation.
“No!” I retorted indignantly, but realizing Evan already did some terrible things to me, my heart fell. “I don’t know.”
His eyes bounced to a waitress coming through with a tray of desserts before he spoke. “I’m not going to tell you what to do,” Sean said, “but don’t you think facing your father or crashing on a friend’s couch for a while is a better life than the one you are currently living?”
“I think about facing my father all the time,” I replied, fidgeting with my mug. I’d never said the words out loud before. “I can’t bear to think of what I would do if he rejects me.”
“He’s a fool if he does.”
