Page 70 of Semi Sweet
“I am not going to miss that.”
“Neither am I.”
A while later, we reached our final destination, the top of a small peak from where the town looked picturesque and tiny. There was an observation deck where several people were using coin-operated binoculars or taking photos. I decided to follow suit, whipping out my phone and asking a nearby hiker to take our photo. I smiled down at it after the person returned my phone to me.
“You think you’re going to forget me or something?” Sean asked.
“Not anymore.” I flashed him a grin as I showed him the picture. “I’ve got a photo.”
I thought about what Mrs. Mizuno had said about all the outstanding things in my life. There was one left. I just had to decide what to do about it.
“Would you be okay if we just stayed roommates?” I asked.
Sean looked surprised at the question. We were far away from anyone else on the observation deck so that no one would necessarily overhear.
“I mean, I would be disappointed since you know, we’ve been kissing lately, but I know you’ve been through a lot. I would respect your decision.” I could see that his face was betraying him. He looked like his heart was breaking.
“Would you be okay if we were more than friends?”
“Aren’t we already more than friends?" His eyes grew wide. “Are you messing with me? Because whatever you are doing, it’s kind of freaking me out.”
I was trying to get out what I was feeling, but I was failing horribly.Honesty.I reminded myself.You’ve got to be honest to get where you need to be.
“I don’t want you to go back to Denver without discussing what you mean to me. You need to know what I want.”
Sean looked around the observation deck, watching families and solo hikers alike mill around and come and go. He grabbed my hand and all but dragged me and Bear down the trail to a side path that led to an unoccupied animal observation area. We stood and faced the view for several moments of awkward silence before Sean finally spoke.
“Now that we have a bit of privacy, you think you might want to tell me what’s on your mind?”
“Sean Mizuno, you have given me a second chance in life. You provided me freedom and as much as I want to not rely on someone else in this reinvention of myself, I cannot lose you. That would be the second biggest mistake of my life.”
“What’s the biggest mistake of your life?” he asked.
“Not knowing when to leave a toxic situation,” I answered. “I still wouldn’t know if it wasn’t for you.” I exhaled, trying once more to collect my thoughts.
“I already told you I’m willing to wait until you are ready.”
“I know and I appreciate you trying to do the right thing, but I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with you, and I’m not going to know for sure until we cut this prim and proper bullshit."
Sean looked shocked as he took in my words. Eventually he cleared his throat. "Are…are you saying…” He looked around to make sure no one was coming. “...I have permission to no longer be a gentleman?”
I nodded as I wet my dry lips. “You aren’t allowed to hold back.”
I wasn’t surprised when he began to power walk back towards the main trail, not saying anything for several minutes. I wished I could read his thoughts as Bear trotted along beside him. We were heading back towards the SUV when he turned on his heel and loomed over me.
“I have a condition.”
That wasn’t exactly what I thought he was going to say, but I humored him. “I’m listening.”
“If we take this to the next level, I need to know that this is what you really want. This isn’t your way of thanking me for all of this or feeling obligated in any way. I have made it this long without getting any and I can survive, though begrudgingly, a while longer.”
“I can get vulgar if you need me to,” I replied. “I want this.”
Sean was back to pulling me down the trail and when we finally got to the otherwise empty parking lot, he shoved me against the SUV, kissing me as Bear wrapped his leash around our legs. I could not remember the last time I was actually looking forward to being intimate with someone. My body ached as Sean pressed his lips to mine.
“No one is around,” he hissed into my ear once he finally broke the kiss.
“You really want the first time we have sex to be sneakily by your rental car while you have to hold onto your dog so he doesn’t run off?”
