Page 98 of Love to Defy You
I tick my jaw, gripping the bar counter until my knuckles turn white. Dancing is the last thing I want to do. It’s not enough. I need something more exhilarating, more distracting. Something that will push Alek from my mind, even if it’s only a brief respite.
“No.” I set my empty shot glass down next to his. “I have a better idea.”
Fuck it. I’m doing this.
I check the dance floor to make sure my dad and Galina are distracted. “Follow me.”
I snatch a bottle of liquor while the bartender’s back is turned and set off toward the woods. I don’t turn around to make sure Enzo’s following me. I feel his eyes on my ass as I stumble and swerve toward the tree line, and when I enter the forest, I go as far as the twinkling party lights will take me.
I turn around and lean against the tree as Enzo prowls closer, leaves crunching beneath his shoes. While I wait, I screw off thecap of the bottle and raise it to my lips. The vodka burns my throat on the way down, but I welcome it if it distracts me from the heartache.
Enzo approaches, and without a word, I pass the bottle to him. He accepts and takes a swig, but he keeps his dark eyes on me. The dim light from the party streaks between the tree trunks, casting strange shadows across his face and broad chest. The forest is quiet, and the music from the party is far away.
I’m alone in the woods with Enzo, and I’m shaking. It’s thrilling, sneaking off with him, but it’s also so, so wrong. Alek may be done with me, but I still feel loyal to him, and if I cross the line with Enzo, there’s no coming back from it.
Between the alcohol and the pills, my head is swimming with a heady mixture of lust and guilt.
He passes the bottle back to me, and I drink deeply.
Enzo steps closer until I’m caged against the tree. He presses his palms to the trunk on either side of my head. “Willow... what are we doing?”
The bottle falls from my hands into the dirt, splashing vodka onto our legs.
I swallow. “I’m not sure yet.”
He takes a step closer, pushing me against the tree with his hips. “Tell me what you want from me.” The heat in his eyes scorches my skin as he studies my face.
“I… I don’t know.” My eyes drop to his lips, which hover over mine, and when he wets them, the shine reminds me of the forbidden apple that tempted Eve. Is that what I want? To kiss Enzo? To hurt Alek?
I don’t know. All I want is not to feel like shit anymore, and I only have two coping mechanisms—fuck someone or kill myself.
I’m so fucking pathetic.
Enzo doesn’t give me a chance to decide for myself. He yanks me forward and crashes his lips over mine, and I’m too stunned to react.
Even as another man kisses me, I only think of Alek. Why isn’t this working? This isn’t the escape I need to chase the pain away.
Instead, it feels like a bucket of ice water dumped over my head, and it’s sobering.
I plant my palms on his shoulders and shove him off. He stumbles back before catching his balance, and he stares at me in utter confusion, blinking wildly as his shirt strains against the heavy rise and fall of his chest.
“I… I can’t.” My lip trembles as a wave of guilt hits me hard in the gut, and hot tears sting my eyes. I wrap my arms around myself and shrink against the tree while fighting the sob wrestling its way up my throat.
His eyes darken. “Willow—“
“I still love him.” The dam breaks under the crushing weight of my devotion to Aleksandr Kurochkin—the guy who broke my heart—and the tears gush forth.
Enzo emits a low growl. “You’re the one who brought me out here. I know you want this.”
My gaze dips to his tented pants. “I’m sorry… I can’t give that to you.”
I’m not ready. I can’t fuck Enzo while wearing Alek’s engagement ring, and as hurt as I am, I can’t bring myself to cross that line and betray him, even though I want to hurt him the way he hurt me.
Enzo cups himself over his pants. “Do you see how much you affect me? Do you have any idea how many times I’ve jerked off while pretending it was your hand around me? How many times I fucked Birgitta and imagined it was you in her place?”
Before I met Alek, I wouldn’t have hesitated to fuck some girl’s boyfriend. I didn’t care how attached a guy was because all Iwanted was a good fuck. My emotions never got in the way since sex was the only way to turn them off.
But Birgitta is my friend, and Enzo is hurting her the way Alek hurt me.
