Page 37 of Throw Away the Key
“Wow, I'm sorry.”
“Yeah. So, one might say that I have some abandonment issues,” Sadie smiled sadly.
“I mean, given the context, I could see that. You know that's nothing to be ashamed of. I wish I’d known.”
“Yeah, it’s just… watching your friend get engaged, it just made me think of the past, and I saw your face light up and how happy you were, and I got scared. I'm in therapy, and I'm working through it. Getting tools and all the things, right? But it's hard and I fight anxiety all the time, worried that I'm gonna fall for someone who's gonna leave again. And I worry that I’m the problem.”
Coco leaned her head against Sadie's chest, one of her paws by her nose, as if she were listening to her heartbeat and wanting to ease Sadie’s nerves. Sadie cradled Coco like a baby, in one arm, her other hand gently rubbing Coco's tummy.
So it’s not just me.“I mean, you're not the only one that deals with anxiety, and I have a therapist too. I think therapy's a good thing for everybody,” Emma admitted. “So I'm never gonna judge you for that. And no matter where things go with us, I'm not the kind of person that just disappears on someone. If, for whatever reason, things don't work out, I will tell you my reasons. I can promise you a conversation. But I will also respect it if you say that you're not ready for anything right now.”
“But that’s just it–I don't want you to think that I'm not ready for anything, because I am. I can feel myself gravitating toward you. I know that there's something here.” She stared into Emma’s eyes with sincerity. “I really appreciate you for hearing me out.”
“Of course! I was so worried that I had done something wrong.”
“No, no, no,” Sadie murmured, placing her hand against Emma’s cheek, stroking her cheekbone with her thumb. “You didn't do anything wrong.”
“Sometimes I just think I'm too much for people. Not everybody can handle it.”
“I'm not going to lie to you,” Sadie laughed. “I thought that in the beginning–that you were a lot because you were so ampedon that first call–but after seeing that this was the real you and not some mask or facade, it became really refreshing to me. Someone who moves through the world with so much joy. I think you’re a rare breed.”
“Yeah, I've been told I take after my grandmother who passed before I was born. I was actually named after her,” Emma smiled gently as Sadie leaned back against the banister. “I just want everybody around me to feel good.”
Sadie nodded. “That comes across. Joy loves your energy. You actually inspired her to work on a new collection called ‘Exuberance.’”
Emma beamed, her eyes saucers. “Really?”
Sadie nodded.
“Wow, that's incredible!”
“You're incredible.” Sadie squeezed Emma's thigh before reaching for her hand to give it a squeeze.
“Thank you for sharing your past with me,” Emma spoke gently.
Sadie nodded. “Thanks for not running away.”
Emma grinned. “Don't worry, I don't scare easily. Unless we’re talking movies, and then I will be the first to admit that I’m a complete punk.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Emma stood to her feet. “Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee? There's no expectations for anything at all tonight. We could just keep talking?”
Sadie nodded. “Yeah, that sounds nice.” She was still holding Coco in her arms as she stood. She stooped back down to reach for one of Emma's shopping bags. “What all did you buy this dog? She's barely ten pounds.”
“Oh, I think she's like 8 pounds. She’s just a baby!”
“Okay, that's not exactly a big distinction.”
Emma chuckled. “Yeah, okay, you might be right there. I just felt like Coco is a fancy girl, so she needs all the things. She’s gonna be here for at least a month, if not more.” She unlocked the door and let them in, kicking off her shoes before dropping the dog crate and some of her bags on the kitchen counter. “Here, I'll take that bag from you.”
Sadie closed the front door and unhooked Coco's leash from her harness, setting her on the floor. Coco's tail wagged as she sniffed the area rugs and the furniture.
“Is coffee okay or do you want tea?”
“Um, I'll have whatever you're having.”
Emma turned into the kitchen and washed her hands. “I’m feeling like having a matcha latte. Are you good with oat milk?”
