Page 23 of The Dating Prohibition
“No,” he laughed. “I did.”
“Come again?” Kendra rested her elbow against the dashboard, her hand running through her hair. “You decided that I’m off-limits?When did you decide this? And, more importantly, why?”
“Right when you walked in the door your first day back.”
She stared at him, perplexed, the statement not fully computing. “Say more words.” She wound her hand in a circle at the wrist,beckoning him to continue.
Ben sighed, running a hand over his hair. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’ve known each othertoo long. It’s just not a good idea.”
“Says who though? Who made that determination, because this is the first timeweare talking about it,” she said,pointing between the two of them. “What is it that makes it a bad idea? You know I’m about my business, I’m not out in these streets, I’m easy on the eyes.” She tossed her hair behind her shoulder, cracking a small smile. “You know me, Ben.”
“I know you,” he agreed.
Ugh. What does that mean?“You know me and that means you’re not interested?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t say you are either. You know me and what, I’m not good enough?” A tightness in her chest began to pull at herinsides, and she bit her lip. “Is that it?” she whispered, steeling herself for the worst-case scenario.
“No, that’s not it,” he replied gently. He tilted his head, resting it against the headrest of his seat. “It doesn’t matterif I’m interested, Kenny. You’re my best friend’s little sister.”
“The fuck?” Her face scrunched up. “Excuse my language, but what are you talking about? Is this bro code shit, because you’rereally losing me.”
“We’re too deep into the same circle. I consider your family my family.”
“And that’s... bad?”
“It is if it doesn’t work out.” Exasperation permeated his tone, his eyes pleading with her to understand. “If it doesn’twork out, and things get weird between us, you’re family. What am I supposed to do in that situation?”
“Logan would never turn his back on you. You two are practically inseparable,” she protested.
“But we wouldn’t be if I hurt his little sister.”
“Ben...”
“Kendra. I’m serious. I can’t lose all of you. It’s too much of a risk. Remember when I was dating Amber and everything wentdown?”
Amber was BJ’s first love.He never talks about her.
Kendra’s mouth dropped open. “Okay, listen. I empathize because I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you to lose her. I could see what she meant to you––we all could. But when it comes to the Porters, none of us is going anywhere, Ben.” She reached her hand out to squeeze his shoulder. “We’re not gonna leave you. I’d make sure nothing like that happened.”
It was a rare thing to see behind the shield of brawn that he carried with him, and she wondered whether Logan was aware ofhis best friend’s abandonment issues. While a breakup was certainly possible, surely there was enough love between them thatthings wouldn’t turn catastrophic. She didn’t want to lose him in her life either, but she couldn’t deny how she felt, andshe’d never shied away from her feelings.
“But I’m sayin’, if we were to break up and things go left, you’re family, so I’d be the one getting kicked out of the group.”
She shook her head. “We are grown people. We can conduct ourselves accordingly. No one is getting kicked out of the group,Ben. Neither of us has ever been dramatic enough for that to be a possible outcome and you know it.”
“Even still...” He ran a hand over his hair, unconvinced. His impenetrable shield was back up as he stared out the frontwindow.
Kendra’s shoulders dropped, sensing finality in his tone.Then give me closure.“Listen—” her eyes pleaded with him “—it will make it a lot easier on me if you would just tell me you’renotinterested. You don’t want to try? Tell me you’re not feelin’ me and I’ll leave it alone.”
“But that’s not true,” he soothed. He captured her in his gaze, and she believed him, which only frustrated her more. “I justdon’t think it could work out.”
Her mind was racing, and she just needed a way to closethe door completely if that was what he wanted. Once she pictured the two of them together, it just made sense––it seemed crazy not to try if he was feeling what she’d been feeling that night. But to draw this boundary, he had removed any chance for them to experience what could be.Why won’t he just tell me what I need to hear?
She looked down at her hands for a long moment, chewing on her lip and shaking her head with frustration. Lifting her head,she stared into his brown eyes, wanting to close the distance between them, wanting to do the thing that he’d refused herin the first place, wanting to experience his lips against hers. She pulled a lock of hair behind her ear as her voice broke.“But what if itcouldwork? Surely you’re not denying that it’s possible.”Am I not worth the risk?
BJ took a deep breath. “It could, Kenny,” he admitted. “I don’t doubt that for a second. I’m just not willing to wager whatwe have for what could be.”
