Page 26 of Witch You Would
“Don’t ‘m’lady’ me,” Penelope said. “Do you even own a fedora?”
“Only a trilby,” I joked. I think she muttered “oh my god” under her breath, but she started walking away.
I grabbed the back of her pants, and she spun around like I’d smacked her ass. “Our mics,” I said, hands raised. “Sorry.”
She relaxed and turned back around, and I flipped her mic on, then let her do mine. I glanced back at the other contestantsand celebrities, and caught Tori staring at us with an expression I couldn’t read. It made me nervous.
One more thing to be nervous about. Now it wasn’t just my friends and my grandpa’s charity counting on me to win, it was myunemployed partner. No pressure.
With a big, fake grin, I used the queen of hearts card to scoop candy into the salt bottle. If only real hearts could be dealtwith so easily.
My mustache was hanging halfway off my face when my hotel room phone rang. I hadn’t had a landline since high school, so ittook me two more rings to figure out what the noise was and pick up.
“Hello?”
“Mr. Presto, this is Rachel, with Hexafilm.”
Unit production manager. Okay, back into character.
“Hey, Rachel, what’s up?”
“Isaac wants to meet with you and Penelope in the morning, before your scheduled call time. The van will pick you up at seventhirty.”
Ugh, so early. “Sure, no problem.”
“Thank you, Mr. Presto. Have a lovely rest of your evening.”
It was almost midnight, but sure. “Thanks, you too.”
I hung up and stared at the phone. What did Isaac Knight want with me and Penelope?
It was pointless to worry about it, even if I knew I couldn’t help myself. I’d find out soon enough.
I finished de-mustaching, showered, and crawled into bed, dreaming of climbing a candy heart mountain and falling off a cliff.
TV showrunners apparently didn’t slum it in boutique hotels in Edgewater; they stayed in a downtown high-rise condo whereenchanted statues of Greek myths slowly transformed from humans to animals or plants in the entrance, and a dozen valet peoplewearing white gloves and silly hats leaped to open car doors before you even parked.
Penelope and I were met in the lobby by a tiny squirrel-cheeked lady who introduced herself, “Hi I’m Mary Isaac’s assistantso nice to meet you Isaac is waiting for you upstairs come right this way,” without taking a single breath, while power walkingbackward. I wasn’t sure whether I was impressed or worried about her blood pressure.
A private elevator zoomed us up to the penthouse. The doors opened inside the room, showing off an incredible view of Brickelland the bay through floor-to-ceiling windows. White marble floors, white leather couches, clear acrylic chairs and tables...The only color came from the blue sky and water outside. I felt like I should wash my hands before touching anything.
Isaac sat in a fancy ergonomic chair behind a clear desk. Even from a few feet away, he smelled like he’d had whiskey forbreakfast and tried to cover it up with mouthwash and expensive cologne. His beard said he was going full lumberjack or keptforgetting to shave. His clothes said someone, presumably Mary, was getting paid to iron his T-shirts. He grabbed an orangestress ball with a cussing face emoji on it and squeezed. It squeaked.
Tori stood behind him to the right, her face blanker than theGreek statues downstairs. She wore a navy polo with the Hexafilm logo, her short brown hair smoothed into a faux-hawk.
What did they want to talk about that couldn’t have waited until we were on set? I tried to relax my shoulders as I sat onone of the uncomfortable clear chairs next to Penelope.
“Here’s the deal,” Isaac said. “The two of you have chemistry potential.” Squeak. “You’re giving that popular-nerd-meets-anime-waifuthing, you’re both putting out the vibe, and audiences eat that shit on gluten-free crackers.” Squeak. “They watchCast Judgmentfor the stories, the drama, the frisson of fappability that comes with finding a new RPF ship.” Squeak. “We want you to leaninto that.” Squeak. “You get what I’m saying?”
I thought I did, but I also only understood half the words he’d just used.
“You want us to... pretend to be into each other?” Penelope asked. “Romantically?”
“Bingo bongo,” Isaac said. Squeak. “We won’t know how many more episodes you’ll get, obviously, so this might be one and done.”Squeak. “But there will still be promo, publicity shots, the whole shebang.” Squeak squeak. “Keep it up long enough and you’llstay on the public radar for weeks.”
Penelope seemed freaked out, and I didn’t even know what I was.
Isaac looked behind us and swore. “Mary, that vulture is back. Handle it.”
