Page 37 of Witch You Would
Wait, what did “hmm” mean?
I turned my head just in time to catch Leandro dropping a lit match into a bowl. A column of flame burst upward like a blowtorch,at least four feet high, inches from his face.
Adrenaline hit me like a truck. I froze. My heart pounded, and my mouth tasted like I’d licked a nine-volt battery. As I watched this fire shrink and sputter out, memories burned through my mind. Billowing smoke, the shrill beeping of the alarm, the extinguisher sending a useless stream of liquid onto the floor, the smell of burnt skin, the sirens—
“Oops,” Leandro said. “A little too much mineral oil.” He sounded like he was far away, like I was trying to hear him overthe sound of ocean waves crashing in my ears.
Breathe, I told myself. The fire is gone. Everything is okay. Inhale, count to four, exhale. Nothing was damaged, no one washurt. Inhale, count to four, exhale. Where’s the camera? Smile.
My lips wouldn’t move.
“I hope the rest of your spell is more successful,” Hugh said. Leandro grinned at him, and the judges moved on to Amy andJaya’s station.
Leandro came up next to me, still grinning. “Talk about las llamas de mi amor, huh?”
He could have . . . the fire could have . . . My ability to form coherent thoughts stayed wrecked. Everything tilted sideways,and I barely caught myself on the table as my legs tried to stop holding me up.
“Hey!” Leandro grabbed me, his face too close to mine. “Penelope, holy shit, you’re shaking.”
My jaw stayed clenched, but I managed to choke out, “Bathroom.” He started to walk with me, until I got control of my bodyagain and pushed him away. I didn’t look back as I hugged the wall until I got to the exit, then managed to get lost eventhough there were two directions to pick from. A PA took pity on me and led me the rest of the way.
The contestant bathroom was a few steps up from basic, with framed mirrors and granite counters and even a chair and table in case I needed to, I don’t know, wait for a stall? Hide and read a book like when I lived with my family? Ride out the tail end of my panic attack?
Yeah, that one. I sat down and put my head between my legs.
Don’t think about the past, I told myself.
Me cago en la hora que tu naciste, Penelope!
It’s over.
She could have died!
What happened can’t be changed.
You think you’re going to get a degree in this? No me diga!
Shut up, Mom! Shut up shut up shut up.
A quieter, calmer voice said:You can’t let one accident stop you from casting forever, mi vida. We all make mistakes. That’s how we learn.
Abuela always trusted me, believed in me. If she knew what I was doing now, she’d be so proud. Even if I didn’t deserve it.
I’d make myself deserve it. For her.
The room didn’t have a clock, so I had no idea how long I stayed there, remembering how to breathe. Eventually my anxietyabout needing to finish the spell won the wrestling match with my low-grade PTSD. I checked my makeup for battle damage, swallowedthe nasty-tasting pill of my feelings, and power walked back to the soundstage.
I expected to find either a mess at our station or everything exactly as I’d left it. Instead, the magic circle was readyto go, with each reagent in the appropriate location, and Leandro was quietly mixing something in a tall pot using preciseclockwise motions.
What the hell was up with this guy? One minute he was all chill and competent and smart, and the next he was blowing stuff up. Ithought about pro wrestling again, about fake drama and choreography mixed up with real skills, and wondered what ratio of PhD to fuckup I was dealing with here.
Did it even matter? Anger grabbed the steering wheel from anxiety and started driving me. If he was screwing up by accident,he needed to stop messing around and follow instructions. If he was doing it on purpose, he needed to warn me so I wouldn’tfreak out again.
Later. Focus. The wandering camera crew stood next to Dylan and Zeke, but I kept my fake smile on for any other cameras thatmight be watching.
I checked the recipe to see where we were in the steps. He must have been brewing the potion that would react with the stuffin the fridge when the command was given. That meant all we needed was to imbue the catalyst with our intent using the circle,then wait until the two potions were ready to combine in the teapot.
Except... Hugh said this was too simplistic. How could we take it to the next level? I should ask Leandro—he did have agood imagination—but I super didn’t want to talk to him.
