Page 70 of Witch You Would
“My lease is up in two months,” I said. “That might be enough time...”
“To get a new job?”
I threw the hotel pen against the wall. It bounced off and landed on the desk, rolling right back to me.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “It’s basic math. I can’t make enough money to afford this on my own unless I win the competition,or get hired somewhere that pays way more than Espinosa’s.”
“Take it one step at a time,” Emelia said. “Either you’re going to win, or you’re not. I’m going to assume because you said‘unless I win’ that you haven’t lost yet.”
Oops. I slipped. Well, come at me, lawyer ninjas.
“If you win, problem solved,” Emelia continued. “If you lose, you still have at least a month to make a backup plan, right?”
“Yeah, I have to give thirty days’ notice.”
“So focus on winning. Where you live is a problem for Future Penelope.”
She was right. There was that sisterly wisdom I’d called her for.
“Now, as for your boy toys...”
Ah! “They’re not boys, or toys.”
“Do you need permission to fuck?”
“Do I what?!”
“You know, like Cari always says. Do you need permission to do the thing you already want to do?”
Did I? I usually thought a thing to death and then didn’t do ituntil it was too late. The only reason I was onCast Judgmentwas because Rosy had pushed me into applying. I needed... Some way to sort out my feelings, I guess.
“I get it,” Emelia said. “You just met this guy. You were told to pretend to like each other, and it stopped being pretend.You’re confused. You want a clear solution. I’m not going to tell you what to do, one way or the other. But you overthinkeverything. Dichotomize.”
“Dichotomize” was Emelia code for “reduce to two options.” She did it for basically every decision in her life.
“You have a choice between two guys,” she continued. “What is your gut telling you? Be honest with yourself.”
Be honest? How? One of the things I tended to overthink was my feelings.
“I’ve known Gil longer,” I said. “We like a lot of the same things, and he’s smart and nice.”
“And new guy?”
“New guy feels like Gil in some ways, different in others. It’s like I’ve known him forever. Like we fit. And then he’ll dosomething that makes me want to shake him, and I’ll wonder if I’ve got it all wrong.”
“Are you only into him because he’s hot and convenient?”
“No!” I yelped. “Of course not. I have self-control. I don’t throw myself at guys just because they’re...” Oh, shit.
“There you go. Honest feelings. So, dichotomize again. Do you want to have a thing with this guy, or not?”
Did I? What was the worst that could happen? Someone could catch us and think I’m a groupie sleeping my way to fame. I’d alreadycommitted to pretend flirting, so what was the difference? I could feel like a loser because he’d played me to get laid, exceptI didn’t really think Leandro was playing me.
That didn’t mean I could assume he wanted a relationship. Just like I shouldn’t have assumed anything with Gil.
Maybe the real question was: Would I really miss out on a guy who was clearly into me, right now, for a chance with a guywho had never made a move?
“I’m going to talk to him,” I said.
