Page 107 of As a Last Resort
The last thing she needed was to feel guilty about me on top of everything else she was dealing with.I wanted to ask her to stay on the island.To ask if it were possible to work from here for a while.Or come back down.But I needed time to figure out how.
Patrick busied himself tying the boat to the dock.“Alright, spill it.You haven’t let me run a day of shuttles across solo in, well, ever, actually.You’ve let me captain this whole week, and now you’re walking around all smiley today like Shirley Temple.”
“I am notsmiley.”
“What’d you do, get laid or something?”
I turned away from him so he couldn’t see my cheeks flush.
“Oh, my good Lord up above, I was kidding!Look at you!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”I pulled at my work collar that all of a sudden seemed a bit too tight.
“You’re sweating.”
“It’s ninety degrees outside.”
“You’re pulling at your collar and your face is flushed.And you’resmiling.”His million-dollar smile took over his face.
“I smile,” I argued.“Aren’t you supposed to be tying down something?Or cleaning something?”
He beamed at me.Then I saw the pieces click as his face lost a little bit of its sunshine.
“Wait a minute, you and Sam?”He paused.“Is that a good idea?”
“We’re just hanging out.Now get to work.”
He stared me down.It was the look he gave me after Vanessa cheated on me and I told him I was fine.
“She’s leaving soon, man.”
“And I’m not quite sure why everyone thinks it’s their business to tell—”
“I’m just saying,” he interrupted as his hands flew up, defending himself.“What are you going to do, give me the business and move up to the city?I can’t exactly see you at an art gallery with tight pants and a glass of champagne talking about the rise of impressionism or pop art.”
“What the hell is pop art?”
“Art based on modern popular culture.You have to know these kinds of things when you live in the city, dude.”
“I’m not moving to thecity.”But even as the words left my mouth, I wondered if that was an option.What would it look like to wake up next to her every day?What did her apartment look like?Did she lay her clothes over the chair in the corner of her room like she did at my place?
“Just be careful, man, that’s all I’m saying.She’s a good girl, but not one who’s going to stay.Your life’s here, not there.You’d suffocate in the city.”
“And I’m going to suffocate you if you don’t turn your ass around and mop that deck.”
He narrowed his eyes and turned to the bucket.“Okay, okay.For the record I’m happy you didn’t forget how to use your wiener.”
He ducked just in time to miss the ball of rope I threw at his head.
I texted her on our last run back in.Her face was a constant in my vision all day.Her eyelashes.The stray hairs around her forehead that weren’t long enough to reach her eyes.The little red marks she had on her lower lip from biting them.The dip in her cheek when she smiled.
I kept looking at the water and thinking about what she said.I had built this business from the ground up.We were successful, busting at the seams and looking to expand, but was it really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life?
I felt alive on the water.I couldn’t imagine a day without being on it in some form.But I started to think about what I really wanted.What would life look like if I could do anything I wanted?
Patrick’s comment about suffocating kept playing through my mind.Could you even go fishing in New York City?Was that a thing?
Maybe if her mom got better she’d consider coming back home.She didn’t seem happy at her job, and based on what she told me over the last few weeks, the promotion she was gunning for was going to the pug guy anyway.I knew she and her mom didn’t have a great relationship, but things could change.They had to if she got better.
