Page 110 of As a Last Resort
I’d turned off my phone to brainstorm uninterrupted this morning, completely forgetting about the staff call.Once ideas started to finally come, I wanted to unplug and sink into them.
“Are you okay?”she asked.
“Describe for me whatokaylooks like.”The image of me walking into Robby’s corner office ran through my mind.It was decorated with lighted beer signs and a neon slide in the corner.
“You need to come back and we can fight this.”
“Fight this?”I asked.“I’m not walking in with my tail between my legs for a promotion that he didn’t give me.That’s ridiculous.”
“Everyone here knows you should have gotten it.They’re all talking about it.”
“Good to know I’m the subject of the watercooler gossip.”
“Robby hasn’t even done anything but lie in a hospital bed lately.It doesn’t even make sense.Two analysts have already said they’re quitting if they get transferred to him.”
I looked out toward the water.I couldn’t actually see it from Austin’s front yard but I could feel it.I could hear the palm fronds rustling in the wind and the air smelled of salt.
The promotion was gone.The entire reason I agreed to come to Florida was to show I deserved this promotion.That I was the right choice for it.But being in Florida was now officially pointless.I was stuck here, gunning for ideas that were already dead in the water.
I couldn’t seem to get enough air in my chest.What came next?What happened when I hung up this phone?Since everything I was doing was pointless anyway, did I hop on a plane and go back home?Did I go inside and pretend like there was still a chance I wasn’t irrelevant?
Maybe I should still write down the ideas I had.They could serve as inspiration when I’d inevitably be job searching when I got back to the city.They were good but not clear yet.I just needed more time.
And I didn’t have it.
There were too many emotions running through my body after we got off the call.I looked down at my feet and noticed the gravel in his driveway.It was made up of tiny white shells, small ones about the size of my fingernail.
The screen opened behind me and Austin stepped out.
“It’s official.Robby got it.”I couldn’t even say the wordpromotion.It just felt dirty.And wrong.And so, so unfair.
“I’m so sorry.”He walked toward me and wrapped his arms around me from behind.“I know you really wanted it.”I settled into the warmth of his chest, his shirt sporting a faded football team logo.It was cotton, washed over a thousand times and smelled like detergent.“But look at the bright side,” his words tickled my neck through my hair, “maybe now you can stay here instead.”
I quickly drew my head forward and turned around.I had no idea what I was looking for as my eyes searched his face, but confusion and anger bubbled up, mixed in with the other emotions fighting for attention in my chest.
“Staying here isn’t an option.”I knew we had avoided the subject of me leaving but staying on Rock Island was never on the table.Ever.
“But I thought you just said Robby got the promotion?I thought you said if he did, you weren’t going to stay there?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.But we have a huge presentation to give and I’m pitching one of the biggest projects I’ve ever had.I’m not just going to bail out of that.”
“Of course not.”He stepped toward me and held on to my arms.“That’s not what I meant.It’s just, I assumed Robby’s idea would be the one you would help pitch.I thought your idea wasn’t in the cards anymore.”
“I don’t know what’s in the cards!”My voice raised as I steppedback again.I had no idea if I’d be helping Robby and Glenn pitch their idea to the board.Or if I’d even have a job when I got back to the city.Or if I evenwantedthis job.
“Hey, hey.”He put his hands up and lowered his voice.“I’m sorry, I just figured it wasn’t that big of a deal now.”
“Of course it’s a big deal.”Frustration brewed like a tropical storm in my head.
“I just thought…”
“You thought what?That things would change because we slept together a few times?I won’t ever move back here, Austin.The island is a last resort for me.Actually, it’s beyond a last resort.It’s not even a possibility.”
The only sign from him that he was upset was the deep breath he took.
“You really thought I’d stay here and give up my entire life in the city?”
“From what it sounds like, it’s not much of a life you actually enjoy.”His steady voice buried underneath my skin.
