Page 119 of As a Last Resort
I thought for a second.I was sure it was a trick question.“More money?”
“Please, that girl doesn’t care about money.Keep guessing.”
“A better view of New York?”
“You always were a bit of a sass.”She narrowed her eyes on me.“That poor girl grew up too soon.Losing a daddy who loved her, and a mama who did too, just didn’t know how to show it.Too caught up in her own grief to know the difference between up and down.Loss does that to people.It messes ’em up a bit, some for a good bit of time.She lost too much too soon.”
“Her mom’s in rehab now.”
“Heard through the grapevine she’s doing pretty well, too.”
So many of Sam’s words flew through my mind.“She said I should start my own fishing charter.”
“You told me that exact same thing when you were eight years old.”She closed her eyes and tilted her head up to the sky.“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know what I want.I bought the ferryboat from that north Florida charter that sold.Patrick doesn’t even know yet.They’re delivering this week.”She looked at me, and even though I was busying my eyes tracing a tomato vine, I could feel her gaze roaming over my face to see how I felt about it all.“Do you think the fishing thing is a good idea?”
“Do you?”she asked.
“Why do you always answer a question with a question?”
“Just trying to get my boy to think is all.”She reached over and patted my hand.Her hands were warm and callused.“If people asked more questions these days, they’d be a lot better off.”
“The ferry thing makes sense.Buy the bigger boat.Grow the business.”
She sat there silent, watching her vegetables sit still.
“I remember the first time my dad and I ever took Patrick out.I can still see the look on his face when he reeled in the first fish he’d ever caught.He had this big old goofy smile plastered across his face that he couldn’t wipe off for hours.I loved seeing that.Being a part of that.”
She sat in silence nodding her head and smiling to herself.
“I don’t know,” I continued.“Maybe there’s room for that too.”
“When we share something we love with others it’s hard not to spread that joy around.That goofy smile you’re talking about?You have that too when you’re on that fishing boat.”
“But the business is doing really well.Although fast-forward two years and it may not be around anymore.”
“Patrick told me about the resort and their boat.Don’t count on other’s intentions as concrete.Plans change.And you can’t control what other people do.There’s more to life than just work, you know that.”
“It was easier when there wasn’t,” I replied under my breath.
“Aw, now where’s the fun in that?Life would be boring if all you did was work and then die.”
“Not with your job, it wouldn’t.”
She chuckled.“Well, now you’ve got me there.All the crazies keep me on my toes.”
We sat for a few seconds as my fingers mindlessly drummed the metal chair.I took a breath, knowing I wanted to get something off my chest, but not sure my heart could take any more cuts.“She said she’s worked since high school to get away from this place.”
“This place looks different to her than it does you and me.We all have ghosts, they’re just hiding in closets for us.Hers get to walk around the streets out here.”
“I don’t know what to do.”It was the first time I had said it out loud and it felt good to just admit it.“I thought about going up there.To the city.”
“And what thoughts did you come up with?”
“Patrick said I’d have to go to museums and wear tight pants.”
“Oh, good Lord, could you imagine?”Her laugh was hearty and warm, like homemade bread right out of the oven.“Your father would have a heart attack.”
