Page 122 of As a Last Resort
I stared down at the table, knowing it was pointless to argue.“Okay, fine.You’re right.I love everything about him.I love the way he looks at me like I’m someone he wants to take care of.I love how safe I feel when he’s around, like I could face anything as long as he’s by my side.I love how he makes me laugh so hard my stomach still aches an hour later.And the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at me… like I could mean the world to him if I just said yes.”
Her voice softened.“I don’t understand what the problem is.”
“That’s exactly why it won’t work.People I love—reallylove—theyalways leave.One way or another.Sometimes it’s by their own choice, but sometimes not.How I feel about him is irrelevant.”
“That makes no sense.”She shifted her chair closer, turning it to face me.“How you feel about him is the only thing that matters.”
I closed my eyes as the weight of the insecurities bubbled back up to the surface again.I rubbed my palms against the fabric of my skirt, as if I could push the fear back where it belonged.“What if I move back and it doesn’t work out?”
“If you don’t give it a chance, I can tell you with certainty that it won’t.”
I gave a small nod, unsure of what to say.
“But, Samantha.”She waited to speak until I looked up at her.“What if it does?”
But what if it does?
I swallowed the knot forming in my throat.“Let me get through tomorrow’s board meeting first, okay?I promise, we can talk about this again.”She tried to cut in, but I smiled and nodded.“I swear.I just need to use the little energy I have left for tomorrow, then I’m fair game for an intervention.Deal?”
Her eyes narrowed.“Fine.I’ll let it go for tonight.But some things are worth doing scared, Samantha.”I blinked away the tears pooling at the corners of my eyes.“Try and get some sleep.We’ve got an early start.”
I felt good about what we’d accomplished.But beneath it all, my walls were crumbling fast.
A single strand of hair escaped Ivy’s bun, the only sign of exhaustion from her after hours of brainstorming.Her eyeliner, still sharp and perfect, mocked my rumpled ponytail that flopped to one side.
“I’ll finish up here,” she said.“Go home.I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Are you evernotput together?”I asked, eyeing the high heels still on her feet.“When this is over, you need to spill how you got all twelve board members to attend.”
Her smile was pure mischief.“Maybe.”
The apartment was quiet.I looked around and realized I didn’t have any pictures hung on the walls.I took out a piece of paper from my top kitchen drawer and wroteHang some picturesat the top.I thought about who I wanted pictures of and Austin’s face was the only one I could think of.
So I crossed it out.
I wroteKeysunderneath.I always lost my keys.I could fix that.I opened my cabinet and grabbed a saucer.I put it right on the kitchen counter as you walked into my apartment and placed my keys on it.
“That’s ridiculous.”I put my keys back in my purse and threw it on the couch instead.
I stared at the empty dish.
“Okay, fine.Fine.”My words aimed at no one in particular, I took the keys back out and put them back on the dish.
“It’s official.I’m going crazy and talking out loud.”
I jumped when my phone rang from my purse.
“Hello?”
“Hi, is this Samantha Leigh?”
“Who’s calling?”
“This is Beverly from the Willow Rehabilitation Center.I’m looking for Samantha Leigh.”
My mouth went dry.
“What happened?Is she okay?Yes, this is her.”The words tumbled out like an avalanche.
