Page 134 of As a Last Resort
I let my mind wander.
What would happen if I just chose to stay?Not forever, but just for the night.
What if I did the hard thing?What if I showed up at my friend’s rehearsal dinner like I said I would and didn’t run away?What if I choose to be a good friend, and smiled and cheered for her as she married her best friend?What if I didn’t run from the pain like I did seven years ago and just stood still and faced it head-on?
What if I stayed?
It was a terrifying thought.
But Austin and I were grown-ups.I could apologize for being an ass and walking away like I did.I could wish him well on his journey and hope he wouldn’t get cheated on.Again.Who was I to get in the way of true love?
Who was I kidding?That’s total bullshit.I wanted to go egg her car at the rehearsal.But I could swallow it instead and be the bigger person.I didn’t want the next seven years to pass and this still be something I wish I would have done differently.
I looked around my old room.The last time I was here I tucked that little picture of my dad and me into the corner of the desk mirror.The heartache of losing him had changed.It went from constantly gasping for air but never actually drowning, to tides of grief that would sneak up without warning.
But one day I remembered his smile without it sucking the air from my lungs.
My mom was just a dull ache that sat there, taking up every inch of me.But after seeing her at the rehab clinic, I started to see where maybe, just maybe, there could be room for something other thanguilt and anger.Maybe we could make room for something else to grow.
This time, I wouldn’t let it take seven years for me to face what I needed to.
I would do this the right way.And that meant telling Austin how I really felt, regardless if he was doe-eyed for his ex-fiancée or not.
Screw it.
I closed out the tab and put on my heels.I’d do this for Lexi.I’d do this for me, even if my heart would be ripped out in the process.
41
AUSTIN
The lawn was full of people chatting away.But instead of mingling, Mom was in the kitchen handing me a bushel of carrots to cut.
“Mom.You do realize we hired caterers for this, right?If you want to ask me questions, just ask.”
“Okay, fine.Have you heard from her?”
“No.”
“Have you called her?”
“No.”
“Well, why the hell not?”
I don’t think I’d ever heard my mom curse before.“How many glasses of champagne have you had?”I asked.
“She’s a good one.You’re supposed to fight for the good ones.”
“Then what?I move to a city where I’d be miserable?Or she moves here, then she’s miserable?I can’t expect her to give up the life she loves to move back home.And she wouldn’t expect that of me either.”
“Sometimes love changes people.”
But I didn’t want it to change her.I loved her exactly the way she was.She was stubborn and particular, and when things didn’t go her way, she got flustered.If she left her job, what would she even do here?Work for Josie at the inn?Become a barista?Sam lovedwhat she did, and she was good at it.She’d grow to resent me for being the reason she stayed.
“What are you going to say when she shows up tonight?”Mom asked.
“Who shows up tonight?”Dad walked through the open sliding glass door.
