Page 33 of As a Last Resort
“Josie’s internet is spotty at the hotel.I’m picking up a booster for her.”
“Well, look at you, a modern-day knight in tech armor.”
“I’m just helping her out.”
“Helping Josie out?”he asked.“Or helping Sam out?”
“Don’t even start.”
I was just doing what any nephew would do if his aunt needed his help.
The water was smooth like glass for the rest of the day.
Watching guests during the sunset run on the last ferry was always the highlight of my day.The sun setting in the background over the water could make anyone feel like you happened to stumble upon something amazing that wasn’t meant for you.You were just lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time.It typically turned the water a blend of orange and pink and every single passenger would inevitably head to the stern of the boat to pull out their phone and take their new profile pic against the sherbet of my hometown sky.
“Ethel, you just jut your neck forward.It’s not rocket science.Turtle, like this.”
I watched out of the corner of my eye as a group of three little old ladies argued, one trying to teach the others how to “turtle” for a picture, which apparently involved doing something that looked painful with your neck.
“Here, watch me,” the lady barked again.
“Oh, Gail, stop it,” said another lady with a short silver bob.“I don’t think turkeying is going to hide any of this flapping off our necks.”
“It’s calledturtling.Just try it,” Gail said.“I read it on the Google last week and I swear the difference in pictures is amazing.Here, let me help you,” she shouted to the oldest lady of the group, who I assumed was Ethel, as she gripped her head and pulled it toward her.
“You leave her alone, Gail.”Silver Bob Lady swatted at her arm.“You’re about to tear her head clear off her neck and she can’t hear you anyway.She has no idea what you’re doing.”
Gail let go and placed her hands on her hips.“Well, you’re both going to look like old hags in the picture.”
Silver Bob Lady leaned over to Ethel and shouted in her ear.“Has anyone told her weareold hags?”
Ethel took out a tiny silver flask and took a hefty swig.
Well then.
Gail took her assertive posture and turned it in my direction.“Captain Handsome!Can you please come take a picture of the three of us?”
“It would be my pleasure, ladies.”
“Ohh!I thought that was him from Tripadvisor!”Silver Bob Lady swooned.“We’ve read all about you.”
This happened about once a week.A guest nicknamed me Captain Handsome on a review after a particularly flattering shirtless picture of me pulling up the anchor was posted and it caught on like wildfire.
“You’re on our bucket list.”Gail beamed from ear to ear.
“And so is Usain,” Silver Bob Lady piped in.“We were hoping to get Ethel here to dance with him.”
“Her husband was a ballroom dancer,” Gail said.“They took Senior IV titles back-to-back for five straight years.No one could touch them.”
Ethel’s eyes sparkled.“Love me a good dancer.”
“Well, I’ll be happy to take over his first mate duties so he can make his stellar dancing abilities available to you ladies.”
“Is he married?”Ethel asked.
I coughed.“Nope, he’s as single as they come.”
“Well, I can’t help what happens when my feet start moving.I don’t want some whippersnapper falling in love.I don’t have the energy to keep up with these young ones anymore.”
